Athletes & Adolescents Therapy Blog | Omaha, NE | 68116

How to Stay Mentally Strong When Your Coach Yells

Tue, 28 Apr 2026 18:54:06 GMT

How to Stay Mentally Strong When Your Coach Yells

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How to Deal With Comparison as an Athlete

Tue, 11 Nov 2025 16:28:33 GMT

Becky Meline, LIMHP MGCP

Comparison is something every athlete faces — whether it’s comparing stats, playing time, body type, or social media highlights. In today’s world, athletes aren’t just competing on the field or court — they’re competing with what they see online.

You scroll through Instagram and see a teammate posting highlight reels, another athlete committing to their dream school, or someone showing off their “perfect” body or training grind. Before you know it, you start questioning your own progress and wondering if you’re enough.

Here’s the truth: comparison steals joy, confidence, and focus — three things every athlete needs to perform at their best. Let’s talk about how to manage it.

1. Recognize That You’re Seeing a Highlight Reel

Social media shows the best moments, not the full story. That picture-perfect post doesn’t show the athlete’s struggles, failures, or late-night frustrations.

Remind yourself that you’re seeing a filtered version of someone’s journey — not their full reality. When you catch yourself comparing, try saying to yourself:

“I’m only seeing their highlight reel, not their hard days.”

Grounding yourself in that truth helps bring the focus back to your own path.

2. Focus on Your Lane

Every athlete develops differently — physically, mentally, and emotionally. Some teammates peak early, others find their stride later. Comparing your chapter 2 to someone else’s chapter 10 only hurts your growth.

Instead, shift your mindset:

Set your own goals — what do you want to improve this week?

Track your own progress — celebrate small wins like better recovery, stronger mindset, or consistent effort.

Remember your why — why you play, why you train, and what you love about your sport.

When your focus is inward, comparison loses power.

3. Use Comparison as Feedback, Not Judgment

Comparison isn’t always bad — it can become fuel when used the right way. Instead of thinking, “She’s so much better than me,” shift to, “What can I learn from her?”

If a teammate has great confidence, work on your mental game. If someone’s faster or stronger, ask what drills or training helped them. Growth-minded athletes turn comparison into curiosity — not criticism.

4. Take Breaks from Social Media

If scrolling makes you feel less than, it’s okay to step back. Unfollow accounts that trigger insecurity and follow people or pages that inspire healthy habits, positivity, and confidence.

Try creating boundaries:

No scrolling before or after practice

24-hour social media break after tough games

Limit time on comparison-heavy platforms like Instagram or TikTok

Protect your mental space the same way you protect your body — both impact performance.

5. Build Genuine Connections with Teammates

Comparison can isolate you — but connection heals it. When you build real relationships with teammates, you realize that everyone has insecurities and goals they’re working toward.

Support each other. Celebrate each other’s wins. When your team culture is rooted in encouragement instead of comparison, everyone performs better.

6. Remind Yourself of What Makes You, You

No one else has your exact mindset, skills, story, or purpose. That’s your superpower.

When you catch yourself comparing, pause and remind yourself:

“I have my own strengths, and I’m working on becoming my best self.”

Confidence grows when you anchor your worth in who you are — not in how you measure up to others.

Every athlete struggles with comparison — it’s part of being human. But learning to manage it is part of becoming mentally strong.

Focus on your growth, surround yourself with supportive people, and remember that your path doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s to be meaningful. You’re building your story — and that’s something worth being proud of.

Becky Meline, LIMHP MGCP

Licensed Clinician & Certified Performance Coach

Growth Mindset: The Key to Overcoming Perfectionism in Sports

Tue, 21 Oct 2025 19:02:19 GMT

Becky Meline, LIMHP MGCP

Every athlete wants to succeed—or at least feel that they have reached their highest potential. You train hard, set goals, and push yourself to reach your potential. But sometimes, that drive for success turns into something heavier — the pressure to be perfect. When every mistake feels like failure, confidence and joy in the sport can quickly fade. Perfectionism in sports is one of the main culprits that bring athletes into my office.

That’s where mindset comes in.

Understanding whether you’re operating from a growth mindset or a fixed mindset can completely change how you handle mistakes, challenges, and even perfectionism itself.

What’s the Difference?

Fixed Mindset:
A fixed mindset believes that your abilities and talents are set in stone — you’re either “good” or “not good” at something. Athletes with this mindset might think, “I’m just not fast enough,” or “If I mess up, it means I’m not talented.”
Mistakes become threats. Feedback feels personal. Failure means you’re “not enough.”

Growth Mindset:
A growth mindset sees abilities as things that can be developed through effort, practice, and learning. Challenges become opportunities to grow. Mistakes are feedback. And setbacks are simply part of the process of getting better.
This mindset says, “I can learn from this,” or “I haven’t mastered it yet.

How Mindset Affects Perfectionism

Perfectionism often grows out of fear — fear of not being good enough, of disappointing others, or of making mistakes. When you have a fixed mindset, that fear feels justified because every error feels like proof that you’ve hit your limit.

But when you shift to a growth mindset, mistakes stop being proof of weakness. Instead, they’re part of your path to mastery. You begin to understand that everybody starts as a beginner until they meet mastery in a skill.

Failure doesn’t define you.
Effort isn’t a sign of lack — it’s the key to improvement.
Progress matters more than perfection

Practical Ways to Build a Growth Mindset

1. First and foremost, you have to believe it’s possible for you to improve and get better. It might sound simple, but it’s the first step to becoming your greatest self. When athletes don’t believe it’s possible, it’s the exact opposite of a growth mindset and it keeps you stuck.

2. Add “Yet” to Your Thinking
When you catch yourself saying, “I’m not good at this,” add “yet.”
→ “I’m not good at this yet.”
It’s a small word that shifts your thinking from limitation to possibility. “Yet” helps you see that this is a skill that can be developed and improved upon through effort and reps.

3. Mistakes are Data—use the information to help you grow
After a tough game or practice, ask yourself:

What did I learn?
What will I do differently next time?
What went well despite the mistake?

4. Focus on the Process, Not the Outcome
Instead of obsessing over stats, rankings, or wins, focus on controllables — your effort, your attitude, your preparation. The more you value growth over results, the less perfection will control you.

5. Embrace Feedback as a Tool to Help you Grow—Not a Personal Attack
Coaches correct you because they see potential. Listen to feedback without taking it as criticism of who you are — it’s simply a roadmap to improvement.

6. Celebrate Small Wins
Every bit of progress deserves recognition. Whether it’s better body language, improved focus, or a new personal best, celebrating small wins reinforces growth over perfection.

The most successful athletes aren’t the ones who never fail — in fact, they have likely failed more than anyone else. The difference is that they didn’t stop, they kept going and showed grit through their adversity. They’re the ones who learn, adapt, and keep going. A growth mindset frees you from the pressure of perfection and helps you rediscover the love of competing and improving.

You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to keep growing—and keep in mind that everyone grows at different rates.

A Roadmap for College Sports Recruitment: Guiding Athletes Through the Journey

Fri, 26 Sep 2025 18:08:24 GMT

Becky Meline, LIMHP MGCP

For many athletes, the dream of playing at the next level is both exciting and overwhelming. Junior year is a huge year both academically and athletically if you have a child interested in playing at the next level. The college recruitment process is filled with opportunities, but it also brings its fair share of stress, distractions, and comparison. To help you navigate this journey with confidence, here’s a roadmap that balances the practical side of recruiting with the mental and emotional skills needed to thrive.

Know Your Path and Set Goals

The first step in the recruitment journey is clarity. I tell my athletes that this is the “information gathering stage”--- Ask yourself:

What level of college athletics am I realistically aiming for (Division I, II, III, NAIA, JUCO)?
What type of school environment do I want academically and socially?
How far from home am I comfortable going?
Do they have the major that I am interested in studying?
How much does it cost to go there in case I don’t get a full ride?

Setting goals not only gives you direction but also helps you avoid distractions. When you know what you’re aiming for, it’s easier to tune out noise and comparison. This starts to give you a direction when you feel overwhelmed with where to start.

Market Yourself Effectively

College coaches don’t just “find” athletes anymore—you need to put yourself out there. Here’s how:

Highlight videos: Create a short, clear highlight reel showcasing your best plays and skills. Keep it professional and concise.

Player profile: Prepare an athletic résumé that includes stats, GPA, academic honors, contact info, and coach references.

Social media presence: Keep your accounts clean, professional, and reflective of your character. Coaches notice how you present yourself online.

Remember: marketing yourself is about showing your strengths, but also about being authentic. Coaches want athletes who fit their culture, not just highlight reels.

Master the Conversation with Coaches

Talking with college coaches can feel intimidating, but preparation helps. This is one of the biggest stressors for my athletes--knowing how to present themselves and what to say.

Be respectful and direct: Always address coaches properly, thank them for their time, and be clear in your communication.
Ask good questions: Inquire about team culture, academic expectations, and how they see you fitting into their program. I encourage my athletes to look into the program before you have a phone call so that it shows your level of interest in the school.
Follow through: If a coach asks for film, transcripts, or updates, send them promptly. Reliability speaks volumes.

Confidence comes from preparation. Practice with your high school or club coach, or even role-play conversations with a parent, so you’re ready when opportunities come.

Handle the Mental Side of Recruiting

The recruiting process can easily weigh on your mental health if you don’t protect yourself. Here are some common challenges—and strategies to handle them:

Social Media Comparison

It’s easy to scroll and see other athletes posting their commitments or offers and wonder, Why not me? Remember: everyone’s journey looks different. Instead of comparing, focus on your growth and opportunities. Celebrate others, but stay committed to your own path.

Balancing Recruiting and Your Season

Recruiting can feel like a full-time job. But your number one priority should always be your high school or club season—keep in mind that is where you are getting the highlight reels to send out! Coaches want to see you competing at your best, not burned out by the pressure of emails and highlight videos. I encourage my athletes to set aside designated times each week to handle recruiting tasks so it doesn’t take over your life. Whether that’s an open period you have each week or Sunday afternoons for a couple of hours—compartmentalize your time because you can only put your energy into one thing at a time. I tell my athletes that “no matter how well you worry about recruiting during school, practice or games, it is just wasted energy in that moment” so save it for your designated time.

Managing Stress and Distractions

Recruiting brings highs and lows—some coaches may show interest, others may not—and that doesn’t mean you’re not good enough. It’s important to stay grounded:

Practice mindfulness or breathing exercises before games.
Lean on trusted adults for perspective.
Keep a journal of small wins to remind yourself of progress.

Remember the Bigger Picture

At the end of the day, recruitment isn’t just about where you play or what Division you’re in—it’s about where you’ll grow. The right program is one where you’ll thrive athletically, academically, socially and personally. Stay patient, keep working, and trust that the right fit will come.

Final Thoughts

The college recruitment journey is as much about mental resilience as it is about athletic talent. With a clear roadmap—setting goals, marketing yourself, preparing for coach conversations, and protecting your mindset—you can move through the process with confidence. Focus on what you can control, enjoy the ride, and remember: your worth isn’t defined by an offer, but by the effort, character, and dedication you bring every single day.

Parent–Teacher Conferences: Building Collaboration for Student Success

Wed, 24 Sep 2025 13:58:03 GMT

By: Stef McAlpin LMHP

Parent-Teacher conferences are more than a scheduled meeting; they are an opportunity to strengthen the bridge between home and school. Because, when parents and teachers come together with open communication and shared purpose, students benefit the most.

________________________________________

�� Why Conferences Matter

• Provide a focused time to discuss a child’s strengths, challenges, and progress

• Encourage collaboration, ensuring home and school strategies align

• Create a shared vision for supporting academic, social, and emotional growth

________________________________________

�� Practical Guidance for Parents

Conferences can feel overwhelming, especially if strong emotions arise. Approaching the meeting with preparation and a neutral perspective can help with both parent and child apprehension.

Prepare Ahead

• Write down questions or concerns before the meeting

• Bring examples if you’ve noticed changes in your child’s behavior, homework, or stress levels; both positive and challenging

Listen & Take Notes

• Teachers often share insights parents may not see at home

• Jot notes to remember next steps and follow-through

Collaborate on Solutions

• Ask how you can support learning at home

• Share what strategies already work for your child

Stay Student-Focused

• Keep conversations centered on your child’s needs

• If disagreements arise, focus on problem-solving rather than blame

Clarify Next Steps

• Confirm goals, strategies, or follow-up meetings before leaving

________________________________________

⚖️ When Conflict Arises

Not every conference feels productive. If emotions run high or you leave with more frustration than clarity:

• Pause & Reflect before reacting; jot down what was helpful and what was unclear

• Clarify in Writing with a brief, polite follow-up email to confirm next steps

• Stay Child-Focused to keep the conversation on your child’s needs, not personal disagreements

• Seek Support from a school counselor or specialist if another meeting would help

�� Conflict can feel uncomfortable, but handled with care, it can open the door to better understanding and stronger collaboration.

________________________________________

�� Finding Support at Focus Therapy & Performance Coaching

If conferences bring up stress, conflict, or concerns about your child’s well-being, you don’t have to carry it alone. At Focus Therapy & Performance Coaching, we support children, teens, and families in navigating school-related challenges with confidence and calm.

Therapy can help by:

• Strengthening communication skills for parents and children

• Building emotional regulation strategies to manage stress and anxiety

• Supporting executive functioning skills like focus, organization, and follow-through

• Providing a safe space for parents to process frustrations and plan next steps

• Helping families work together so home and school feel more connected

✨Parent–teacher conferences are just one part of your child’s journey. With the right tools and support, these meetings can become steppingstones toward growth and resilience for both you and your child. Focus Therapy offers a safe place to process what you’ve learned, explore your child’s needs more deeply, and practice ways to invite problem-solving without conflict.

________________________________________

✨ At Focus Therapy and Performance Coaching, we walk alongside individuals and families through all seasons of growth. Whether you are navigating school challenges, supporting your child’s emotional needs, or preparing for important conversations, we provide a safe, compassionate space.

�� Contact: 531-289-8247

�� Stef McAlpin – stef@focustherapyomaha.com

Audience of One: How Faith in God Helps Athletes Manage Pressure

Wed, 10 Sep 2025 15:32:11 GMT

By: Becky Meline, LIMHP MGCP

One of my favorite topics to discuss with my athletes is the connection between their performance, and their relationship with God. I have found that those who lean on their faith and use God’s strength in their journey of athletics tend to be less stressed and happier knowing that they are not alone in pressure moments. Faith is never something I push on my athletes, if it’s already there GREAT! We build on it. If it’s not, I just encourage them to be curious about it.

Every athlete knows the feeling—the nerves before a big game, the pressure to perform, the expectations from coaches, teammates, and even themselves. Sports bring incredible highs, but they can also bring crushing stress. In those moments, it can feel like your entire worth is tied to the scoreboard. But the truth is, your identity is found in something far greater than a win or loss: your relationship with God.

Faith offers a foundation that no missed shot or bad game can shake. When you invite God into your athletic journey, the pressure doesn’t disappear, but it transforms. Instead of feeling like you carry the weight of performance on your shoulders, you can hand that weight to Him.

Play for an Audience of One

It’s easy to feel pressure when you think everyone is watching and judging your every move. God has given you spiritual gifts and every time you compete, practice, stand as a leader—God smiles. I encourage my athletes to shift their mindset to play for God—your true “Audience of One”—it changes everything. Your effortbecomes an act of worship, and the outcome becomes less important than the heart you bring. Many of my athletes choose to write on their tape job or wrist “Audience of One” as a reminder.

Remember Who You Are in Christ

The world measures success by stats and records, but God doesn’t. Your value is not defined by points scored, minutes played, or trophies earned. You are already chosen, loved, and enough because of Him. Knowing that frees you from tying your identity to your performance.

Use Prayer as Your Pre-Game Routine

Many athletes warm up their bodies before a game. Why not warm up your spirit too? A simple prayer before stepping on the court, field, or track can ground you: “Lord, give me peace. Help me use the gifts You’ve given me for Your glory. Win or lose, may I honor You.” Prayer calms nerves, centers your mind, and reminds you you’re not alone out there.

Trust God With the Outcome

Pressure often comes from fear—fear of losing, making mistakes, or letting people down. Faith helps you release that fear. You can trust that God already has a plan for your life, and one game will not make or break it. Success isn’t always about the scoreboard; sometimes it’s about perseverance, character, and growth. Some of the biggest lessons I have learned in my own athletic journey have come through pain and heart break. It’s hard to see any benefit in the moment--but I lean on a phrase I heard from on a pastor at our University church service after one of my hardest week in college. He said, “Faith is believing in advance, what will only make sense in reverse.” I had to trust that this really difficult experience was not wasted and that it will help me somehow in the future. I have no doubt God sent that message to me and I have found this to be true in all of my hard times. Find a phrase or scripture to lean on in hard times.

Lean on Scripture in Tough Moments

When doubt or pressure creeps in, Scripture becomes your fuel. Verses like “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13) or “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7) are reminders that God is with you in every challenge.

Sports are a gift, but they were never meant to define you. By anchoring your heart in God, you can step into competition with confidence, freedom, and peace. Pressure will come, but faith transforms it into purpose. Play hard, compete with joy, and remember—you’re already victorious in Him.

Finding Balance: Managing the Pressures of Being a Student-Athlete

Wed, 27 Aug 2025 14:04:37 GMT

By: Becky Meline, LIMHP MGCP

If you’ve ever sprinted from practice to a late-night study session, or sat in class still sore from the game the night before, you know the reality of being a student-athlete. It’s not just about making the winning play or acing the test—it’s about doing both, often on the same day. The pressure is real. But here’s the thing: the very challenges you face are also what make you stronger, more resilient, and more capable than you might realize.

The Pressure of Game Day

Picture this: it’s the night before the big game. Your stomach is tied in knots, and you can’t shut off the “what ifs.” What if I mess up? What if I let my team down? What if I’m not good enough?

Every athlete has felt that way. The best learn to shift the pressure into power. Instead of fearing those nerves, they reframe them as fuel. That nervous energy is your body’s way of saying, “I’m ready.” When the whistle blows or the ball is served, focus on just one moment at a time. Not the score, not the outcome—just the play in front of you.

Some athletes use music, some use breathing, some use a special pre-game routine. Whatever grounds you, lean on it. Pressure doesn’t have to crush you—it can sharpen you.

Balancing the Books and the Ball

Of course, the challenge isn’t only on the field. It’s also in the classroom. Imagine finishing an away game late at night and realizing you still have an essay due the next day. That’s the balancing act of a student-athlete: your sport demands so much, but so does school.

Here’s where discipline becomes your greatest strength. A planner or calendar might not seem exciting, but it’s your lifeline. Breaking big assignments into smaller steps and using pockets of time—like studying on the bus or reviewing flashcards between classes—helps you stay ahead instead of drowning in deadlines.

And don’t forget: teachers and coaches are human too. If you communicate with them early, most will respect the effort you’re putting in. You don’t have to carry it all alone.

Don’t Lose Yourself in the Grind

It’s easy to feel like your identity is just “the athlete” or “the student.” But you are more than your GPA and more than your stats. Make time to laugh with friends, enjoy hobbies, or simply rest. Sleep, nutrition, and mental recovery are not luxuries—they’re essentials.

One day you’ll look back and realize the juggling act of being a student-athlete prepared you for so much more than sports or school. It taught you grit. It taught you balance. It taught you how to keep moving forward even when life is packed with pressure.

Final Word

Being a student-athlete isn’t easy. You’ll have days where the weight feels too heavy. But remember: pressure is a privilege. It means people believe in you. It means you’ve worked hard enough to be trusted with responsibility. And when you learn to handle that pressure—both on the field and in the classroom—you’ll carry those lessons with you for the rest of your life.

A Parent’s Guide to Setting Limits on Social Media

Wed, 27 Aug 2025 14:01:43 GMT

Snapchat, TikTok, and Beyond

By: Becky Meline, LIMHP MGCP

Social media is a huge part of today’s world. Apps like Snapchat, TikTok, and Instagram are where many kids connect with friends, share their lives, and explore trends. But as a parent, it’s normal to wonder: When is the right time to let my child start using these apps? How do I keep them safe while still respecting their growing independence?

Here are some practical tips to help you set healthy boundaries and keep tabs on your child’s social media use.

1. Know the Platforms Before You Say Yes

Before allowing your child on any app, take time to learn how it works. Create your own account, explore the settings, and understand the privacy controls. Each app has unique features:

Snapchat – Messages and pictures disappear quickly, making it harder for parents to track.
TikTok – Highly engaging, with a mix of entertainment, trends, and sometimes inappropriate content.
Instagram & Others – Visual-heavy platforms where likes and follows can impact self-esteem.

When you know the app, you’ll be better prepared to set realistic rules.

2. Consider Age and Maturity, Not Just Rules

Most platforms set their minimum age at 13 (due to U.S. privacy laws), but maturity matters more than the number. Ask yourself:

Can my child follow family rules without constant reminders?
Do they handle disappointment and conflict appropriately?
Are they open to talking with me about uncomfortable situations?

If the answer is “not yet,” it may be best to wait a little longer before granting access.

3. Start with Training Wheels

When you do allow access, treat it like getting a driver’s license: start with supervision. Some ways to do this include:

Require that you know their passwords at first.
Keep accounts private, approving only friends they know in real life.
Allow limited time online (e.g., 30–60 minutes per day).
Encourage them to use social media in shared family spaces, not behind closed doors.

4. Use Built-In Parental Controls and Monitoring Tools

Most apps now have parental controls or “Family Pairing” features. For example:

TikTok has Family Pairing, allowing you to set screen time limits, filter content, and restrict direct messages.
Snapchat offers Family Center, which lets you see who your child is friends with and who they’re messaging.
iPhone/Android devices have built-in screen time management to limit overall app use.

These tools don’t replace conversation but can support the boundaries you’ve set.

5. Have Ongoing Conversations (Not Just Rules)

Checking in isn’t about snooping — it’s about teaching. Ask questions like:

“What’s your favorite thing about TikTok right now?”
“Have you seen anything online that made you uncomfortable?”
“How do you decide who to follow or accept as a friend?”

By talking openly and often, your child learns to see you as a safe person to come to if something goes wrong online.

6. Model Healthy Social Media Habits

Kids notice how parents use technology. If they see you scrolling at the dinner table or checking notifications late at night, they’ll take that as “normal.” Show them balance by:

Putting your phone down during family time.
Setting your own screen time limits.
Talking about how you choose what to share (and what to keep private).

7. Focus on Trust, Not Just Control

Ultimately, your goal isn’t to monitor your child forever — it’s to help them build the skills to use social media responsibly on their own. Start with close supervision, gradually loosen restrictions as they show responsibility, and always keep the door open for honest conversation.

Final Thought

There’s no one “right” age to allow Snapchat, TikTok, or Instagram. The right time depends on your child’s maturity, your family’s values, and your willingness to stay engaged in their online world. With clear limits, open conversations, and ongoing guidance, you can help your child navigate social media safely and confidently.

Tips to Overcome Self-Doubt as an Athlete

Wed, 27 Aug 2025 13:43:33 GMT

By: Becky Meline, LIMHP MGCP

Every athlete—no matter how talented—faces moments of self-doubt. Questions like “Am I good enough?” or “Do I really belong on this team?” can creep in before a big game, after a mistake, or when comparing yourself to teammates.

The truth is: self-doubt is normal. What matters most is how you respond to it. Building the right mindset and tools can help you move through those doubts and refocus on what you can control.

Here are some practical strategies for athletes to handle self-doubt and step confidently into their role on the team:

1. Shift Your Focus from Comparison to Growth

It’s easy to compare yourself to teammates or opponents, but comparison often fuels insecurity. Instead, track your own growth.

Ask yourself: “Am I improving from last week? Last season?”
Keep a training journal where you write down small wins.
Focusing on personal progress helps you recognize that you belong because you’re committed to growth, not because you’re perfect.

2. Reframe the “Am I Good Enough?” Question

Instead of asking “Am I good enough?” try asking:

“What can I do today to get 1% better?”
“How can I help my team right now?”

This shift turns self-doubt into action. It keeps you grounded in effort and learning, not in judgment.

3. Use Positive Self-Talk

What you say to yourself matters. Doubt often comes with a harsh inner voice. Challenge that voice by creating a short, empowering phrase you can repeat during tough moments, such as:

“I’ve trained for this.”
“I bring value to this team.”
“One play doesn’t define me.”

Athletes who consistently practice positive self-talk train their minds just like they train their bodies.

4. Lean Into the Team Mindset

Remember—you’re not on your team by accident. Coaches chose you for a reason. Instead of focusing on where you rank compared to others, think about what you add: hustle, energy, encouragement, a specific skill set.

Belonging isn’t about being perfect; it’s about contributing to the bigger picture.

5. Normalize Mistakes

Self-doubt often spikes after a missed shot, an error, or a bad game. But mistakes are part of being an athlete. Use them as fuel to learn instead of proof that you don’t belong. A powerful reframe:

“Mistakes mean I’m pushing my limits.”
“Every athlete—even the best—has bad games.

6. Develop a Pre-Performance Routine

Having a routine before practice or competition can anchor you when doubts rise. This could include deep breathing, listening to music, visualizing your role, or using your positive affirmation. A consistent routine tells your body and mind: “I’m ready.”

7. Talk About It

Many athletes think they’re the only ones struggling with self-doubt, but that’s rarely true. Opening up to a coach, teammate, or sports counselor can help you realize you’re not alone. Sometimes, simply naming your doubt makes it lose its power.

Final Takeaway

Self-doubt doesn’t mean you don’t belong—it means you care. The question isn’t whether you’re “good enough.” The real question is: Are you willing to keep showing up, learning, and growing?

The answer to that is already yes.

Becky Meline, LIMHP MGCP

Licensed Clinician & Certified Performance Coach

Focus Therapy & Performance Coaching

402.513.4416

I Hate My Body and I’m Dreading Summer: 3 Things You Can Do To Positively Impact Your Relationship With Your Body

Mon, 26 Jun 2023 21:04:00 GMT

By Sam Cleveland, NCC, PLMHP

Summer, the one thing that students look forward to, to escape the classroom. For some summer is time to relax, have fun, continue to play sports, and take vacations. For others, summer can be a dreaded time of the year because of the “summer body” expectation that takes over. The months leading up to summer are filled with “working on that beach body,” buying new shorts, trying on swimsuits, and the temperature outside is rising. All these things can create a lot of anxiety for people.

Shame, sadness, feeling sick, just a few of the things someone that struggles with their body image might experience on a day-to-day basis. Our relationship with our bodies is something that can be heavily influenced by movies, TV shows, professional athletics, Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat, and magazines. Not only do each of these forms of media influences what we think our bodies are supposed to look like, they can also distort how we see our body.

Three things that you can start doing to positively impact your body image are:

My legs are strong and carry me where I need to go.

My legs give me the ability to participate in my sport.

My arms allow me to carry things from one place to another.

My arms allow me to throw a ball, tackle an opponent, or pin my opponent.

My hands help me text, cook, bake, pick things up, write, etc.

My hands help me catch a ball, hold a bat, wear a glove.

My mind allows me to be creative.

My mind allows me to remember plays and be an effective member of my team.

If you notice that you’ve struggling with your relationship with your body, it could be time to reach out. Asking for help can be terrifying, but it can also be extremely beneficial to your physical and mental health.

The post I Hate My Body and I’m Dreading Summer: 3 Things You Can Do To Positively Impact Your Relationship With Your Body appeared first on Focus Therapy .

Success Made In The Summer

Tue, 23 May 2023 19:18:00 GMT

The post Success Made In The Summer appeared first on Focus Therapy .

Modernized Therapy

Wed, 03 May 2023 17:55:00 GMT

By Samantha Cleveland PLMHP, NCC

Our world is constantly evolving, and it seems like each year so much growth is happening in the world of technology. Throughout the pandemic, this came in handy. Students moved to online school, a lot of jobs became remote, and how we received physical and mental health services changed. One positive thing that we gained from a global pandemic was telehealth.

After experiencing a remote and isolated world, virtual care is something that some are familiar with, but not everyone. Understandably, there are some hesitations when telehealth is discussed as an option with clients. It’s new and fair to question whether it would be as effective as in-person sessions. I’m here to share more about what the telehealth experience can be like so you can make a best decision for yourself when it comes to your mental health care.

Based on my own clinical experience and research I have read, it is said that telehealth can be just as effective in treating mental health as in-person sessions. For a lot of people, it can also provide a level of comfort that they might not feel right away with in-person sessions. Meeting a new person in a new place can be overwhelming, so getting to experience the comfort of your own home can be a bit of a relief. Being in your own private space allows you to personalize your counseling experience by being able to have things like your favorite candle lit, your favorite blanket with you, or your pet by your side. Being in that familiar space can make it a little easier to open up to a therapist. As a clinician, it is important to me that my clients feel at ease while we are in sessions and that I can create a space for them to feel safe being their authentic selves. Not only can telehealth create a setting for that sense of comfort, but it can also be extremely convenient.

Most days, our schedules can be hectic, and we find ourselves running from one place to another with not enough time in the day. The convenience of telehealth allows you to have one less place you need to carve out time to drive to. This is something I have found be extremely beneficial for busy adults and teens. By using a HIPPA compliant program, I am able to offer confidentiality and privacy to clients right in the comfort of their own homes (or cars or offices). Telehealth allows you to hop into your session wherever you’re at, whether that’s between classes, during a break in the workday, or right when you get home from work or school. This also means that if you live in a small town, you don’t have to take the day off just to go see your therapist. Or for those looking for a therapist that specializes in a specific issue, they have access to more providers that can offer that specialized treatment.

Once in session and comfortable, then comes the work you sought out a therapist to do. In therapy, I use different kinds of interventions to build skills, educate on various topics, and help clients reach the goals we have set together. These interventions can come with worksheets, videos, or other resources that may be available. With telehealth, there is screensharing so instead of hovering around one worksheet or screen, we can collaborate from our own screens. Screensharing works both ways, so clients can also share things with me as well.

So now that you have a little more information, you might be thinking what are the next steps? If you’re interested in telehealth and you’re currently seeing a therapist, I’d encourage you to talk with them about your curiosity. If you’re interested in telehealth and you’re currently looking for a therapist, most providers state whether they offer telehealth in their bios on their sites or on their professional profiles. Psychology Today (psychologytoday.com) is a great resource when looking for provider that shows if a provider offers online or just in-person along with a lot of other things you can filter through. Once you’ve found a provider that you feel may be a good fit, talk with them about telehealth as an option when you reach out to set up services.

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June 15 – Adversity or Opportunity for the Class of 2024

Thu, 09 Jun 2022 11:42:00 GMT

By Tim Bennett, MGCP

Over the past several months, I have been slammed with requests for mental performance coaching sessions regarding the NCAA recruiting process and its collateral damage on confidence, expectations, and by extension on-field/court performance.

June 15 is right around the corner. For the class of 2024, you all know what this means. This is the first day that Division I and II NCAA coaches of certain sports can initiate communication with prospective student-athletes. This truly is the first significant recruiting date for this rising class of high school juniors. But it may also be the first significant bit of adversity a 2024 experiences in their youth soccer career.

Up until now, the recruiting process has been pretty straightforward. Get on the best team possible in the best league possible. Go to id camps. Send emails. Create highlight videos. Train hard away from the field. Do extra! Build a social media brand. Get great grades. Play in the best showcases. And of course, perform well on the field! June 15 signals the first time where a player sees if this work has been seen and/or will be rewarded.

The harsh reality is that you may not get a call on June 15. Or maybe you don’t the call from the schools that were on your wish list. Maybe they are from schools you never heard of. Why would your schools of choice call? You did all the things necessary up to this point. Nothing. No calls. No texts. No messages. Nothing. This kick to the gut gets compounded by seeing social media posts from teammates or friends posting about getting calls from the colleges of their dreams. You worked harder than they did at this. And then it hits. Maybe I am not good enough to play college soccer? You begin to question everything. Self-doubt grows! You put all that work into your dream of playing college soccer. Your parents spent a lot of money and sacrificed a lot of time to help you try and achieve this goal. You feel like you failed. You begin to feel like you disappointed all of those who helped along the way, coaches, teammates, and friends alike. Athletic anxiety begins to settle in. You just can’t make sense of it.

Does this mean that your college soccer dream won’t come true? Just because you don’t get a call on June 15, does that mean only “bad’ schools will recruit you? Some will say the market will dictate your opportunities. You don’t have a choice; you don’t have any control or say in this process at all. I completely disagree and so should you. We do have a choice here.

You can’t control what college coaches think. You can’t control what they like about a player or what they don’t like about a player. You can’t control if they call you or not. But maybe you can…

Let us look at two things you can control in recruiting. The first is your actual recruiting process tasks; the emails, the texts, videos, camps, and ultimately your on and off-the-field performance. These are completely in your control. The more that you recruit a school, the more likely they will recruit you. The more you work at this process, the more opportunities you will create! We can talk more in-depth about this at a later time.

The second aspect is more important and maybe a bit harder to achieve but it is long-lasting and will apply to every part of your game and beyond the field. You can call it your recruiting mindset; I am going to call it Amor Fati. Translated from Latin as “a love of one’s fate.” It has its roots in the ancient greek philosophy, Stoicism. Simply put it is a tool in the pursuit of self-mastery, perseverance, and wisdom. It provides much-needed strength, understanding, and stamina for all of life’s challenges. Stoicism is a way of acting, living, and thinking that helps you deal with adversity and difficulty. The origins of Stoicism date to the ancient Greek philosopher, Zeno, who began teaching this philosophy to his students at the Stoa Poikile, the painted porch. The great Roman Emperor, Marcus Aurelius, George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and Theodore Roosevelt were all Stoics. Modern-day coaches Nick Saban and Bill Belichick are Stoics. The German philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche popularized Amor Fati in his formula for human greatness.

This is cool and all but what does it have to do with June 15 and college recruiting? Amor Fati is a Stoic mindset that you develop to make the best out of anything that happens. You accept whatever happened and then make the best out of it. Everything is an opportunity. Treating each and every moment—no matter how challenging—as something to be embraced, not avoided. This is mental toughness; this mental resilience and everything in between.

“You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” — Marcus Aurelius

If you don’t get the June 15 call from your dream school or if they never recruit you at all, you may choose to view this as a negative or something to be avoided rather than something to be celebrated. This perception is based on fear of failure, but with an Amor Fati mindset, this can now be viewed as something much more positive. Rather than interpreting it as a wasted dream, you can now view it as something to be overcome and which will then lift you to greater heights. It is not failure that you should focus on, but the opportunity for success. To not only be okay with it but embrace it and be better for it. So like oxygen to a fire, obstacles and adversity become fuel for your potential.

“A blazing fire makes flame and brightness out of everything that is thrown into it.”

— Marcus Aurelius

You have a choice. What’s yours?

The post June 15 – Adversity or Opportunity for the Class of 2024 appeared first on Focus Therapy .

Mental Toughness, Mental Resilience and SISU: Part Two

Wed, 27 Apr 2022 17:53:00 GMT

By: Tim Bennett, MGCP

Mental Toughness vs. Mental Resilience, Part II

Now that we know what mental toughness is, what is looks like, and how to develop it, let us now talk about mental resilience. So then what is mental resilience? It is defined as “the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or even significant sources of stress.” (APA, 2014) This does sound like mental toughness. Yes but no. Can you be both mentally tough and mentally resilient? Yes but no.

Most if not all mentally tough individuals are resilient but not all resilient individuals are mentally tough. (Strycharczky, 2015) Resilience is usually associated with bouncing back after an event. It’s usually discussed as a method of recovering from something which has gone wrong. On the other hand, mental toughness relates to preparation for a difficult event. Strycharczyk finds it useful to think of the difference in terms of the phrase ‘survive and prosper.’ Resilience helps you to survive, and mental toughness helps you to prosper.

There are three basic differences between the two traits. The first is that mental resilience is usually associated with bouncing back after an event. Mental toughness relates to preparation before an event. Mental resilience is a way of recovering or responding to circumstances that are external like game context, weather, fans, or opponent. Toughness arises from within, like mindset. This difference which is the biggest is choice. Mental resilient people adopt a positive mindset because they HAVE to if they want to bounce back. Mentally tough people have a positive mindset because they choose to. They approach challenges, obstacles, or setbacks as positive and as learning opportunities.

A person can develop mental resilience in much the same way as mental toughness. By using a growth mindset, preparing for setbacks and overcoming them is essential in growing mental resilience. Setbacks are often viewed as failures, which can lead to a sense of discouragement and loss of motivation. Instead, can you be constructive rather than critical when reviewing your performance? What aspects were under your control (e.g., your pre-performance routine) and which were not (e.g., the weather)? Were you still able to uphold your values as an athlete throughout this setback? What have you learned and gained as an athlete from this experience? How can you generate a plan for tackling these setbacks in the future? A second way to grow mental resilience is life balance. Allowing yourself as an athlete to have a balanced lifestyle, socially and mentally can foster resilience within your sport. Participating in different activities with your friends and family can allow for a distraction from the negative stressors that are often part of a competitive environment. Additionally, being able to mentally take a step back and switch your focus between sport and non-sport-related activities can increase mental recovery and thus resilience.

Is there something that comes after mental toughness and mental resilience for those times when all of your mental, physical, and emotional resources are empty? When mental toughness in combination with mental resilience isn’t enough to overcome obstacles? Is there a superhero-type version of mental toughness? You know, just in case…. Yes!

It is called Sisu.

Sisu is an ancient Finnish construct denoting extraordinary determination in the face of adversity. There is no concrete definition or English equivalent. The brilliant Finnish researcher, Elisabet (Emilia) Lahti describes it as an internal, latent force that moves you forward when you think you have reached your limit. This term dates back hundreds and hundreds of years in Finnish culture. It is not a character trait but a mindset, an action mindset, “a consistent, courageous approach toward challenges which at first seem to exceed our capacities.” Sisu is about reaching beyond our perceived limits and stretching the boundaries of our mental toughness and resilience.

“take action against all odds and transform barriers into frontiers.”

The difference is that mental toughness and mental resilience are what we know about ourselves or what we perceive ourselves to be capable of. Our coaches often help us beyond some of these self-constructed limits. But oftentimes we don’t yet know our internal strengths. Our coaches don’t know it either. We don’t know because we can’t predict what events may befall us or our response to them on the field, on the court, or in life. In these extreme circumstances, mental toughness/resilience runs out and sisu begins!

At its center is that, in each of us, there is something more, something unknown that will allow us to survive, thrive, and prosper! We don’t know our true strength until truly tested. It is how we approach these tests, not as a pass or fail, but as an opportunity to show our sisu.

Most if not all mentally tough individuals are resilient but not all resilient individuals are mentally tough.

The post Mental Toughness, Mental Resilience and SISU: Part Two appeared first on Focus Therapy .

Mental Toughness, Mental Resilience and SISU: Part One

Wed, 27 Apr 2022 17:43:00 GMT

By: Tim Bennett, MGCP

There is a lot of information about mental toughness and mental resilience. They often times get confused. This is a two part blog about each of those respectively and their similarities and differences.

Mental Toughness vs. Mental Resilience – Part I

What’s better? Every coach wants mentally tough players. Do they want mentally resilient players too? Are they the same thing? Can those traits be developed or coached or is a player just born with them? Can someone be both, mentally tough and resilient? Isn’t mental tough just purely physical, like getting through a difficult workout or overcoming an injury?

Good questions, huh? Are there answers though you ask? Yes!

Why is it so important for athletic performance?

50% of superior athletic performance is the result of mental toughness ( Clough and Strycharczyk, 2019)

83% of elite-level coaches rate mental toughness as the most important characteristic for determining competitive success ( Clough and Strycharczyk, 2019)

Athletes and people are more successful (emotionally, physically and in their sport) when they are mentally tough. Ok, so we know how important it is for competitive success. What is it though? The definition is pretty straightforward. It is a “personality trait which explains in large part how individuals respond differently to the same or similar stressors, pressures, opportunities and challenges irrespective of prevailing circumstances” (Clough and Strycharczyk 2015: 33). Mentally tough people are not better than anyone else; they are simply better at rebounding from adversity in a shorter period of time than those who are not mentally tough.

When we think of a mentally tough person, it conjures up images of bruised and battered competitors struggling against all physical odds to pull off successfully. We think it is purely physical. This is a very common example but it has created several myths about mental toughness:

Over the past two years, we have seen so many great examples of mental toughness across our sports landscape. Simone Biles displayed every aspect of mental toughness in this past Olympics. She completely shattered the above myths and showed us what true mental toughness is and what it looks like.

There are 4 major traits of Mental Toughness, the 4 C’s as described by MJ Turner (2019):

Despite popular opinion to the contrary, mental toughness can be developed. It can be learned and grown! Some simple techniques like mindfulness, attentional control, breathing, self-talk, routines, goal setting/performance objectives, and viewing failures as data for growth.

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Athletic Mindfulness – What is it? How can it help Sports Performance?

Thu, 27 Jan 2022 18:54:00 GMT

By: Tim Bennett, MGCP

It is a cool buzzword that has come to the forefront of sports psychology in recent years. However, for some strange reason, it gets cast as a hippy-type movement. That is not the case at all and sports science backs this up! But what exactly is athletic mindfulness?

First, we know that our mind directly influences our athletic performance. So, mindfulness is a way to align our mind-body connection to increase performance. It is training our brain to be in the present moment and better able to handle internal and external distractions. It is about bringing our full awareness to the present through paying attention to our experience as is, on purpose and non-judgmentally. Mindfulness also allows us to become aware of personal thoughts, feelings, and other internal stimuli and encourages athletes to focus on personal values or processes of sport-related skills and game strategies instead of focusing on performance outcomes (Pineau, Glass, & Kaufman, 2014) .

Awareness and acceptance of the present moment allow an athlete to focus less on negative thoughts, and focus on the athletic tasks at hand (Pineau et al., 2014) . Mindful athletes are better equipped to allow the focus of their attention to be directed toward task-relevant cues, such as opponents and behavioral choices, such as the implementation of techniques and skills that may lead to an overall improved athletic performance (Moore, 2009) . Thus, mindfulness allows individuals to concentrate their attention on the present moment and not dwell on the past nor worry about the future. Additionally, instead of changing or stopping unwanted thoughts, mindfulness teaches athletes to play with such thoughts (Bernier et al., 2009; Gardner & Moore, 2004) . This is important for athletes because dwelling on past mistakes or worrying about future performances prevents them from performing at their best and just as importantly, not having fun when competing.

In other words, athletic mindfulness is an athlete’s superpower! A greater sense of mindfulness is more likely to lead us to experience a higher state of flow, to our optimal performance mindset, or to our zone. After all, at elite athletic performance levels, everyone is fit, everyone is strong, everyone is technically skilled and tactically astute. Mindfulness is the difference!

The next natural question is how does it specifically help our athletic performance. Here is a quick list:

Mindfulness NEEDs to be trained daily, like any other skill or technique. Here are quick list of specific mindfulness-based interventions to incorporate into your daily training routines:

Being a more mindful athlete will help you stay calm under pressure, give you a healthier perspective with your sport, and of course, help you perform your best more consistently.

Want to learn how to be a mindful athlete? Contact Focus Therapy/Performance Coaching

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The Power of Self Talk for Athletes

Wed, 12 Jan 2022 15:33:00 GMT

By: Tim Bennett, MGCP

You know that voice inside your head when you are competing? Sometimes, it says some good things, and then sometimes it says some nasty stuff. And try as you want but it just seems to come out of nowhere. Truth be told is that everyone has this inner voice. During competition, we have a constant internal conversation going on inside our mind.

Now, close your eyes and think of the best game or the best performance you ever had. Try and remember everything single feeling or sensation you experienced. Remember your thoughts from that performance. Did you feel completely in control? Did you feel confident? Did time slow down? Did it feel effortless? Were you completely focused on your competitive tasks? Were you having fun? Was your inner voice quiet or positive?

If you answered yes to those questions, congratulations! You were experiencing a psychological state called flow. Some refer to it as being in the zone, or on a roll, or having all the momentum. Flow is an elusive psychological state that occurs during peak performance, where you feel entirely in tune with your body, time slows down, and you feel like you can accomplish anything (Csikszenthmnihalyi, 1990)

Would you believe me that you can learn how to put yourself in a position to create your flow state? Well, you can! And one important skill to learn to do that is productive self-talk. Since we all have that ongoing conversation in our head when we compete, we can learn skills to ensure those conversations enhance our performance rather than deter it. Notice that I used the term, productive self-talk and not positive self-talk. It is not that I don’t think positivity is a good thing, it is. But oftentimes for an athlete in the heat of competition, it becomes hard to distinguish between what is helpful and what is nonsense. Productive self-talk is an athlete’s secret weapon!

The research shows that productive self-talk positively affects athletic performance (Hatzigeorgiadis, A., Zourbanos, N., Galanis, E., & Theodorakis, Y., 2014). In what specific ways do you ask. Glad you did. Here are some of the ways:

There are four specific categories of performance-based self-talk:

But the key to harnessing the power of productive self-talk is knowing what to say when. For tasks that require fine skills or improving techniques, instructional self-talk is more effective than motivational. This type of self-talk is also more beneficial during training. However, motivational self-talk is best applied to a task requiring strength or endurance, boosting confidence, or “psyching up” an athlete for performance.

How do you figure out when to use what? PRACTICE IT DAILY! Here are some other helpful hints in how to use self talk to help get you into your optimal performance mindset:

Productive self-talk can increase your performance, enhance your confidence, and can get you closer to experiencing your flow state, where nothing can stand in your way!

“The mind guides action. If we succeed in regulating our thoughts, then this will help our behavior.” (Antonis Hatzigeorgiadis)

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Neutral Thinking in Mental Training

Mon, 13 Dec 2021 15:42:00 GMT

By: Tim Bennett, MGCP

The holiday season is upon us. It is a great time to reflect on this past year and look forward to the coming one! As part of my reflection, I look at all the great people we lost this year who have influenced my life. One of them was Trevor Moawad. Trevor was a renowned mental conditioning expert and strategic advisor to some of the most elite athletes and teams in the world. His client list include such names at Russell Wilson, Nick Sabin, Michael Johnson, Jozy Altidore, and many more. He worked with CEOs of Fortune 500 companies, US Soccer, Navy Seals and many championship teams. He left a lasting legacy on all of those he crossed paths with over the course of his young career. Trevor is most recognized as a pioneer in the advancement of neutral thinking to increase elite athletic performance.

His passing got me thinking (no pun intended.) This is the time of year when Trevor’s neutral thinking is more important than ever to review. Our soccer seasons are escalating in consequences with high stake games, college showcases, and playoffs on the horizon. Along with these tangibles come heightened emotions. And this is where Trevor’s neutral thinking (NT) allows coaches, athletes, and teams to push aside these emotional biases and feelings to clearly focus on our performance cues. NT operates on a simple premise that success is a product of our behaviors, mentality, and language. Stressful situations especially in a competitive environment create intense feelings that cloud our ability to do what is necessary to succeed.

“The more we pay attention to our feelings, the more we move away from our capabilities and our training.”

By training to separate our emotions from our behavior, mentality, and language, we will make better decisions which will lead to a higher level of performance. Just think about this for a minute. If a player makes a tactical error during the run of play, realizes what the immediate consequences of that are like causing a teammate to adjust their shape to cover, or a GK having to make a great save, or the team misses out on a great scoring opportunity, etc…. Or worse yet, predicting the reaction of the coach. Wouldn’t it be great if we could just let that go and get on with it without judgments or expectations and just play? That is NT.

The key with NT is the acceptance of the past and how it will not predict the future but allows for development. The future is independent of the past. Nothing is a loss but only growth. Wow! That is some kind of a sentence. In high pressure athletic moments, overly negative or positive thinking prevents the athlete or coach from truly understanding the moment and more importantly learning or progressing from it into the next. NT strips a moment to its fundamental essence which then allows for a clear focus where the body/mind is operating from muscle/mental memory.

A few key NT strategies:

1. STOP the NEGATIVITY – Negativity has much more effect on us than positivity, somewhere between 4 – 7 times as much. You must cut off the negative inner destructive dialogue.

2. GO into NEUTRAL – Accept the mistake for what it is, and move on without judgment or emotion.

3. RELEASE your MUSCLE MEMORY – Now with the mind clear of confusing and contradicting emotions, your mind and body are free to perform from your trained behaviors that you have spent a lifetime building, creating, and executing.

4. TALK – For Trevor, language is the carrier to success especially when speaking out loud. It is 10x more powerful than simply speaking to ourselves internally. Self-talk is important but is not as important when compared to how we communicate with our teammates or others. Sometimes, you can’t control your inner voice but you have full control of what you choose to say out loud which naturally has a unique sense of accountability. 5. KNOW – Simply put, you must know the necessary behaviors required to achieve high performance. These are your action steps, your performance cues, or your process goals. As Trevor often states, “behavior precedes our success.”

This is a quick simple overview of NT. Like most things in our competitive world, NT looks good on paper. And like most things, NT requires daily training. The more one practices NT, the more success one will achieve. “It takes what it takes.”

Thank you, Trevor Moawad and rest in peace.

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Expectations vs. Confidence in Soccer

Mon, 13 Dec 2021 15:37:00 GMT

By: Tim Bennett, MGCP

The one consistent athletic mental performance issue I hear from clients whether they are professional, amateur, or youth, is “I don’t have any confidence.” The root cause of lack of confidence has nothing to do with confidence at all. It has to do with expectations! We have been coached, taught, and lead to believe that if we have HIGH expectations for ourselves, it will generate confidence and we will perform. Well, this is wrong and can work against us more times than not!

First, let us understand what those two concepts mean. Confidence is “how strongly a person believes in their ability to execute a physical skill or perform a task.” (Cohn, 2018). There are a lot of different definitions and types of confidence, but they are all essentially linked by one word, BELIEF. So for our purposes, confidence is a self-belief that positively impacts performance.

Expectations are “judgments or demands that you place on your performance pertaining to outcomes or results.” (Cohn, 2018). There are many types of expectations. Internal expectations stem from athletic perfectionistic traits related to determination and drive. External expectations come in the form of social approval. Payback syndrome and sport specialization impose heavy external expectations.

Generalizations are closely related to expectations. If something happened in the past, it will happen again. If we perform poorly in a competition or against a specific team, the same result will occur the next time around.

So what is the big deal?

Unrealistic or excessively high expectations are based on the idea of perfection which is often rooted in fear. They focus on the outcome of an event so intently that as a result, a player will feel unhealthy pressure to achieve that outcome. THEY LIMIT BELIEF WHICH IS THE FOUNDATION OF CONFIDENCE. These types of expectations are the source of self-destruction in sports. They suck the life out of confidence. Most successful athletes and teams naturally have high expectations for their performance. And they usually increase as you become more successful. We start to demand more of ourselves and each other. This way of thinking just then becomes the norm. And why shouldn’t you expect great things from yourself???

Well, no! First, they set us up for pass/fail or win/lose proposition. You either achieve these excessively high expectations or you don’t. There is no middle ground. You set yourself to fail before the game even happens. For example, how about the striker who expects/demands to score a goal every game? When they don’t score, that game is considered an individual loss even the team may win.

Expectations cause athletes to self-sabotage. This then naturally drains our confidence. Excessive high expectations hold athletes back from developing high levels of confidence. The higher expectations become, the more they resemble impossible perfection. We get frustrated. We don’t have fun playing. How could you really if every time you play you lose. This is where we have to pay attention. We as high performance athletes and coaches want to have a loving and healthy relationship with competition. We want to embrace competition, we look forward to it. It stems from our relationship with expectations.

This is the core reason why kids quit sports. It is not the emphasis on winning that permeates our sports culture but it is the lack of proper relationship with expectations.

Expectations take away us from the present moment and project us into the future. We are no longer in the moment, we are no longer focused; this is where errors/mistakes can enter. This causes frustration, etc… It is worsened by the idea that we are doing/thinking what we are supposed to do.

The other scary thing about excessively high expectations is that they put us in comfort zones. CZ are expectations about how we SHOULD play. An athlete expects what is possible to achieve in a competition. Once the competition starts, the athlete will compare how she is currently doing with her performance expectations. Therefore, if the athlete feels she is performing better than expected, this can make her perform tentatively and protect her position. Or the opposite. Expectations limit a player’s growth and development. “I can’t play in the back, I am only a midfielder.”

What we need is for our expectations to be the pursuit of improvement, not a demand for perfection. Generate a more healthy relationship with competition more importantly the process in which to grow competitively.

Our job as coaches is to help players understand and fall in love with the process. Our job is to then assist players in empowering them to own their process.

How do we create a healthier relationship with expectations so our confidence will grow? The first step is awareness! This is the initial step towards athletic mindfulness. We have to understand our self-sabotaging expectations by asking direct and hard questions of ourselves. What statistical measurement of my performance makes me feel good? (In many youth sports, quantitative analytics are readily available. In these cases, athletes will then overly seek out praise from their coaches as justification). Do I get upset when I don’t live up to my expectations? Do I not get any reward for winning? Expectations have a lot of “I must, I should, I expect” rationale in them.

The second step is to replace expectations with process goals. Process goals or objectives focus on small, controllable tasks you need to do in the present moment that will help your performance. They are designed to help you become more immersed in the present. Another way to look at process goals is that they are “tasks” during a performance. There are no judgments. We are replacing mandatory results of our expectations with empowering controllable process. Instead of expecting to score a goal a game, we now expect to move off of the ball. Objectives create a process-oriented focus that helps athletes concentrate on execution. Furthermore, once these objectives are fulfilled, the athlete will gain confidence, rather than feel disappointed. An athlete that is perfecting the processes of their performance is very rarely an athlete that feels the weight of expectation upon them. When we focus on the simpler process of our game, it will add up to playing well, competing effectively, and great level of self-confidence.

Self-talk is the third step. Self-talk is defined as an “endless stream of unspoken thoughts that run through your head.” It is key to developing confidence. Research has shown that self-talk can positively increase athletic performance by over 11%.

There is positive and negative self-talk.

Four basic types of self-talk:

Calming = “Take a deep breath.”

Instructional = “Bend your knees.”

Motivational = “Yes! Come on, let’s go!”

Focus = “Just concentrate.”

The key is applying the right kind of self-talk at the right time. It should focus on what needs to be done. And it needs to be practiced daily! For confidence, control, and presentness use instructional it is process focused and controllable.

What is the result of following these steps? By replacing excessively high expectations of our performances with process goals, our confidence will grow. We will be able to control it; we will be empowered by it. Teaching outcomes this way we will allow for players to have a healthier relationship with competition, learn to love it, and not fear it; they will develop faster and have fun!

Ultimately, pinpointing the difference between confidence and expectation is about recognizing that you are more than just the performance you give or the accomplishments you achieve. Differentiating between the two is a reminder to know your goal while still being present and connected to the current time.

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College Soccer Recruiting and Mental Game

Fri, 30 Apr 2021 16:50:00 GMT

By: Tim Bennett, MGCP

The Division I dead period will finally be ending on June 1. After 14 long months, this is great news for college coaches and players alike. Lots of college athletic dreams will be realized in the next coming months and many left unfulfilled.

These dreams begin with the aspiration to play at the highest level of play in college; it is a Division I bust mentality or with many prospective student-athletes, it is a Power 5 school or bust! A lot of family resources are put into a player achieving this dream. Lots of money, time, and travel are just the tip of the iceberg. Although these sacrifices and commitments are done with love and support, they often become much more than that for the aspiring player. They become a guilty ridden burden in some ways. “I have to get my college education paid for to pay back my parents for sacrificing all they did for me play.”

What started as a player’s dream has now become an expectation. Ironically, what was meant to only help a player has now become a mental barrier that players are not trained to deal with.

Yes, it is important to have lofty goals to strive for. But the more resources invested, the more these goals become weighted expectations on a player. This extra stress only amplifies the pressure to perform well at all times. The costs, both financial and otherwise, of these expectations play out throughout a player’s development journey and into their college career. Sometimes they are immediately visible while others become visible over time. What are the effects of college soccer expectations on a youth soccer player? How does the recruiting process contribute? Do they help or hinder the chances of playing college soccer?

Players fully realize how many resources have been invested in their development. They want to pay back their parents and coaches for their investment. This places the player in an either-or situation. Either they continue to strive for the highest level or they fail and let everyone down. There is no gray. This creates a lot of pressure and this pressure grows and grows as the recruiting process accelerates. A player often thinks, “Mom and Dad have poured thousands and thousands of dollars to me succeed in soccer, I can’t let them down.” This mentality will continue into a player’s college career where they will persist in playing the sport long past the time when they enjoy it. And when they finally quit, they feel like failures for disappointing their parents and/or teammates which can contribute to self-destructive behavior later on.

But this is not the only source of pressure for a potential collegiate student-athlete. Club coaches make a living on promoting players to the next level. And they reinforce this by reminding the player that is why they are playing on that particular team or in that particular league or that club. You can walk around any complex at a college showcase event and listen to halftime talks. “If you continue to play like you did in the first half, no college will recruit you. And I won’t help you.”

Another source is the fact of playing in front of college coaches who are watching a player’s every move and falsely thinking that one mistake is a fatal blow to their college soccer ambitions. Peer pressure also adds more stress and anxiety. When a player hears or sees via social media another verbally committing to a school or signing a NLI and they have yet to arrive at a decision or are not getting as much attention, the pressure builds.

So what started as a goal quickly turned into a pressure-filled expectation with a win or lose only result. But athletes should be used to and enjoy playing with pressure. Yes, but this type of pressure without proper mental skills coaching and training hurts performance. All of these external and internal pressures cause an athlete to go into a comfort zone, a place where an athlete plays to survive or not to make any mistakes and possibly further damage their future athletic career. This may allow a player to get recruited but does not necessarily equate to success on the college level where they will be asked to take risks to strive for more to live up to their projected potential. They will retreat to this safe comfort zone for fear of failure. This stalls development; the game quickly loses its enjoyment for the athlete. Burnout or quitting is inevitable. Look at the large number of athletes who go to college and you never hear of again, players with an unlimited amount of potential who end up quitting or transferring. Look at the large recruiting classes that college coaches bring in and by the time senior year rolls around only fractions remain. What got them to that level could not get them past that level. All of the physical talents were there and are there, but the mental performance piece is missing.

With proper mental coaching, an athlete can learn to play freely without expectations, without stressing about “payback.” The younger the athlete learns these essentially mental skills, the better their performance and more importantly the more enjoyment that get from playing the game!

Interesting in learning more, contact Focus Therapy Omaha.

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Strategies For Parenting During a Pandemic

Thu, 18 Feb 2021 01:43:00 GMT

By: Lindsay Poore, LIMHP

Everyone is feeling the burn of this pandemic and our children are trying to find ways to meet their natural needs to grow, learn, and connect. Caregivers have had to navigate the murky waters of risk versus benefit when it comes to school, peer interactions, family gatherings and the list goes on and on. How do I keep my child physically safe, yet still on a healthy developmental path? Parents can develop strategies that play a pivotal role in helping their child connect and stay engaged while finding a bit of joy along the way.

It’s difficult to parent out of a stressed, tired, overwhelmed state, but here we are with no days off in the middle of a pandemic and still needing to care for children. When you are here, you need to stop, take a deep breath and try to connect back to a moment when you felt happiness or joy with your child. This could be a quirky conversation in the car, the day they were born, first giggle, first time they said “I love you” or scored a goal. Really, any memory or moment that when you close your eyes you can re-experience the memory in a joyful way. Working to parent from this place can build a great momentum for building connection with your children.

We are wired for connection. We do this by getting on each other’s level; whether physically or mentally. It’s saying, “hey, I see you, I am here with you, we can be in this together.” It’s eye contact, calm voice, soft touch, relaxed conversation or fluid movement together.

Children get out of balance when in states of hunger or tired, feeling lonely, having had too much screen time, been in remote learning all day and likely stuck with adult only interactions. Parents and children alike need strategies to balance themselves back out. When we can see our children’s needs through a lens of needing connection versus a need for attention we begin to meet their needs in a more fulfilling way. Initially, this strategy can feel unnatural. Just give it time and repetition will bring confidence!

There is so much uncertainty about the world right now and children inevitably pick up on this which can lead to disconnect, worry, and fear. The goal here is to create a calm or calm enough presence we can invite them in for regulation, connection, and direction. If you are in need of a first responder, you want that person to be calm, confident and knowledgeable, right? As parents, you have become that first responder for your child and their needs.

If you are interested in more information about parenting support please feel free to contact us!

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The Mental Health Impact of COVID-19 on Families

Wed, 30 Sep 2020 18:00:00 GMT

If you asked any of us a year ago what would life be like in 2020, it’s doubtful anyone would have guessed we’d be going through a global pandemic, replete with lockdowns and self-quarantining. At the beginning of the year, some families might have thought of being forced to stay home from work and school would be a fun little vacation. But as the weeks and months have passed, we’ve all learned this has been anything but fun.

But how is COVID affecting families? Well, it affects parents and kids and spouses a little differently.

How it Affects Kids

Kids haven’t enjoyed the time off nearly as much as we all initially thought. Disruption to normal routines caused many teens and adolescents to feel anxiety. Add to this being away from their friends, and many young people are also feeling depressed.

Summer vacation for many this year wasn’t as fun as normal as travel has been next to impossible for some families in certain states. Sports teams were canceled, and boredom has set in for many kids, which has led to a lot of acting out and showing mood swings.

The pandemic has also negatively impacted those youths already suffering from a mental health issue, such as those on the autism spectrum. For many of these kids, a disruption of routine combined with cancellation of speech therapy sessions has stalled their progress and caused anxiety.

With some schools opening and some only offering online classes, life is still not back to normal and many kids are simply not able to deal with this crisis any longer.

How it Affects Parents

Parents have, without question, been hit hard by the pandemic. With forced school closures, many parents have had to learn how to home school while also learn how to get used to the “new normal” of working from home.

As if that wasn’t enough, parents have also had to become mental health therapists, helping their children navigate through the fear, anxiety, and depression they are experiencing.

How it Affects Spouses

Quarantining and self-isolation have definitely impacted our familial and romantic relationships. When you are locked in a house with your family, things can become chaotic and, well, everyone gets on each other’s nerves. Now forced to live on top of one another, and enduring financial hardships, worrying about health, and educating and organizing the children—just going grocery shopping can add a layer of stress.

Those couples who may already have relationship issues under the surface may find the sudden and intense stress has brought these issues to the surface. This can be a turning point for many relationships: will this current crisis bring us closer or finally drive us apart?

Without question, we are all living under an intense amount of stress and it is affecting us all in different ways. If you and your family aren’t able to handle the stress any longer, it’s important that you reach out and get some help from a family counselor. Most therapists are offering telehealth services, which means you can get the benefits of therapy right over the internet.

If you’d like to explore treatment options, please reach out to me. I’d be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

SOURCES:

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How Therapy Can Help Families Be Resilient During COVID-19

Thu, 24 Sep 2020 18:00:00 GMT

All of us have struggled in our own way to deal with the effects of the coronavirus. But if you are a parent, you most likely have even more concerns about the impact the virus and subsequent lockdown have had on the emotional health of your children.

You’ve most likely taken certain precautions over the past few months to ensure your family’s health and well-being. You’ve made sure to social distance yourself from others, taking care not to visit with those in your family that are senior citizens.

In stores, you’ve worn your masks and stayed 6 feet away from others, and at some point you probably started to limit the amount of news and social media you consumed, realizing it was making all of you stressed and anxious.

But there is something else your family can do to help ease the burden of the pandemic, and that is to seek therapy from a licensed mental health therapist.

What Family Therapy Offers

Family therapy provides a safe space for people to talk through any issues the family may be experiencing. One primary focus of family therapy is communication training. If you and your family don’t have the healthiest communication patterns, it can feel devastating when you are all dealing with a crisis such as the COVID-19 pandemic.

Family therapy helps individuals identify and correct any dysfunctional communication patterns. A therapist teaches family members how to listen, ask questions and, most importantly, respond to others in a non-defensive way. This is important for those families who deal with dysfunction on a daily basis, but who are really grappling now during the quarantine.

Even in families who are generally healthy and happy, it can be a very positive experience speaking with a neutral third party and help to shed the stress and concerns you’ve all been having. A therapist can validate your feelings as well as provide helpful stress management techniques.

And, if you have any concerns about how healthy it is to be visiting in person with a therapist, you needn’t worry as therapy can be had online through telehealth. That’s right, simply sit your family around the computer and share how you’re doing with your therapist in a safe way.

If you and your family are feeling out of sorts these days and believe you could benefit from family therapy, please reach out to me. I offer telehealth services and would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

SOURCES:

The post How Therapy Can Help Families Be Resilient During COVID-19 appeared first on Focus Therapy .

Lean on Me: Why People with a Mental Health Crisis Need a Support Network

Mon, 21 Sep 2020 18:00:00 GMT

Human beings have a need for social connection. It stems from our ancestors needing to stick together to stay alive. Back in the day, those individuals who strayed from the group had a harder time surviving the elements and not starving to death.

While it is far safer to be an individual these days, that doesn’t mean it is healthy for us to be isolated, for isolation undoubtedly threatens a person’s mental well-being.

It is for this very reason that people suffering from depression and other mental health issues need the love and encouragement from a support network

Social Connection: A Vital Part of Depression Recovery

When a person suffers from depression, they live with a constant pit of despair at their side. Every moment hurts and the truth about life remains elusive.

When we feel these dark feelings, there is a natural tendency to retreat and isolate ourselves. But this only makes the dark darker.

Recovery from depression is a complex process but you don’t need to go it alone. By surrounding yourself with friends and loved ones, you can continue to feel genuine connections, and each one of those connections is a light that can pierce through the darkness.

Research suggests there is a definite link between social relationships and many different aspects of a person’s mental health and wellness. It is for this reason that mental health professionals often discuss the importance of having a strong social network.

Get Yourself Social Support

Social support comes in many different forms. Sometimes you might need help with daily tasks if you are struggling with depression. Sometimes you may need an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on, and sometimes you may need some sound advice.

Whatever you may be going through and whatever kind of help you need, here are some ways you can build a support network of people that love and care about you.

1. Create a List

Make a shortlist of friends and family members who have shown their love, kindness, and support in the past.

2. Make a Commitment

Commit to reaching out to someone on your list every week (if not more). You can do this through a phone call, text, email, or in person.

3. Be Honest

The people that love you can only help and support you if you are honest with them. When you reach out, share what is on your mind and heart. Talk openly about any struggles you are dealing with and be sure to be open to any fresh perspective or advice.

4. Get Out – When Possible

With COVID still affecting our lives, it’s not always easy to get out and be social in person but doing so is remarkably helpful and healing for our mental health. Phone calls and emails work in a pinch, but nothing beats spending time with loved ones in person.

It’s also important to mention that sometimes we need a bit more help than our loved ones can give. If, after forming your support network, you feel that you need additional help, it’s vital you reach out to a mental health specialist. He or she can give you tools and strategies that will help you recover from depression.

If you’d like to explore treatment options, please reach out to me. I’d be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

SOURCES:

The post Lean on Me: Why People with a Mental Health Crisis Need a Support Network appeared first on Focus Therapy .

4 Ways to Reduce Anxiety on Your Coffee Break

Wed, 16 Sep 2020 18:00:00 GMT

According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America , anxiety disorders affect roughly 40 million people over the age of 18 in the United States. Though these disorders are highly treatable, only 36.9% of those with anxiety seek treatment. Perhaps this is because of busy schedules or a lack of insurance that causes so many people with anxiety to suffer in silence.

But there are proven strategies you can do that don’t cost a penny and take little time. In fact, you could do any of the following strategies on your lunch or coffee break. Here are some ways to reduce your anxiety:

Breathe Deeply

According to a study published by the Journal of Emergency Medicine , 30% of people who go to the ER with complaints of chest pain and no evidence of coronary artery disease are actually suffering from a panic attack. Why is this so common?

When we are stressed or anxious, we tend to over-breathe or under-breathe. This can cause dizziness and hyperventilation. Deep breathing is a powerful way to gain control over your breath and reaction to a panic attack. Studies show taking slow, deep, breaths soothes our nervous system and increases brain activity. And you almost immediately feel a calm settle over you. Try it for yourself.

Try Listening Meditation

One way to get your mind to settle down is to meditate. And one of the easiest ways to meditate is to practice listening meditation. This is exactly what is sounds like. Sit quietly, eyes closed, and begin to listen to the ambient sounds in the room. What do you hear? Buzzing lights? A fan? Someone cough? Birds outside? A lawnmower? Just be aware of all the sounds and try and expand that awareness to hear as much as possible. This form of meditation is fun and effective, because you cannot possibly listen, truly listen, and think at the same time.

Take a Walk

Nervous energy needs to go somewhere – it has to be burned. Taking a 15- minute walk around the block can be a great way to get rid of this energy while breathing deeply. As a bonus, your body releases feel-good chemicals like endorphins when you exercise.

Don’t Drink Coffee

Yes, I am asking you on your coffee break to not drink coffee. Or soda. Caffeine and sugar can exacerbate anxiety by making us feel jittery and nervous. You are far better off sticking with water.

I hope you will give these anxiety-busting strategies a try. If you feel they are not helping as much as you need and you would like to speak with someone, please get in touch with me. I’d be happy to speak a bout treatment options with you.

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Why Someone Suffering From Depression Can’t Just ‘Get Over It’

Wed, 20 May 2020 13:00:00 GMT

When talking about depression, a lot of people forget that depression is an illness that requires proper attention and treatment. If you’re depressed, it can be incredibly frustrating to hear things like “Just get over it”, “You’re being really dramatic”, “You have to be strong”, “Learn to deal with it”, “Happiness is a choice”. You might start to think of things like ‘Why can’t I just get over it’? We can stop ourselves from doing destructive things like putting our hand in a fire, but when it comes to depression, it’s a bit difficult to just ‘stop’. There are a number of reasons why ‘get over it’ statements like this don’t help. Here are some of the best reasons why.

Depression is real and painful. Just because you can’t see or touch it doesn’t make it any less real. If you suffer from depression or know someone who does, working with a therapist is a good start to overcoming your depression. I am available to help. Contact me to book a therapy session.

The post Why Someone Suffering From Depression Can’t Just ‘Get Over It’ appeared first on Focus Therapy .

Parenting An Angry Teen

Wed, 13 May 2020 13:00:00 GMT

Raising a teenager can be one of the most challenging experiences a parent will go through. Teenagers are in an awkward stage, dealing with hormonal changes that are out of their control and a developing brain. They’re awakening to new realizations about themselves and the world around them.

Teenage rebellion is a natural phase, however, handling it as a parent is anything but natural. If you’re struggling with raising an angry teen, here are some strategies that can help.

Keep Your Cool

It may be difficult to keep your cool when your teen is yelling at you, but as the adult, it’s important that you maintain control. Refrain from yelling, cursing, or name-calling your teen. Verbal abuse will only escalate the argument and will have a long-term impact on your child and your relationship. If your child is being verbally abusive, apply consequences to their behavior and speak in a calm, matter-of-fact tone.

Accountability, Not Control

Rather than trying to control your teen and their behavior, make them accountable. Set clear boundaries, and establish rules and consequences.

Listen

It can be difficult to listen when your child is yelling or angry. Your initial reaction may be to defend yourself or criticize. Rather than offering advice or judgment, actively listen to your teen. Be silent as they express themselves, and ask questions to better understand how they’re feeling. You can also calmly express that it’s difficult to listen to them when they’re angry and yelling. By genuinely trying to listen and understand them, you can teach them how to control their emotions and express themselves calmly.

Give Them Space

When your teen is angry and wants to storm off, let them go instead of following them and trying to continue or resolve the argument. It’s healthy for both of you to give each other space and time to cool off so you can revisit the discussion when you’re both feeling calmer.

Pick Your Battles

Your teen is going through a difficult phase, and needs empathy. Remember back to the times when you were a teen to help you empathize. There will be times when your teen is making a bigger deal of something than it needs to be, and as the adult it’s your job to know when to stand your ground, and when to let things go. Talk with your spouse to set boundaries and determine priorities of issues that can be compromised, and issues that are non-negotiable.

If you’re having difficulty with your angry teenager and want some help and guidance, call my office today so we can set up an appointment to talk.

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What is Conscious Parenting?

Sun, 10 May 2020 13:00:00 GMT

How many parents have said at one point or another, “I wish my child would have come with a users’ manual,”? Nearly every single one.

Nothing can really prepare us for parenthood. No class, no advice, and no user manual can give us the tools we require for raising happy and healthy kids. The truth is, to be good parents requires us to be conscious parents.

Mindfulness – It’s Not Just for Meditation

Your 8-year-old runs in from the backyard, excited to tell you about the frog he just found in a puddle. Before you even recognize his joy and desire to share that joy with you, you yell because of the mud he just tracked into the house.

Was this reaction really warranted? Were you reacting just to the mud on the floor (which can be cleaned), or do you have a need to control everything in your environment at all times? And does this need stem from your own childhood wounds?

Often parents react to their children subconsciously. That is, they have a knee-jerk reaction to something their child says or does. This reaction may stem from an event that occurred in their own childhood and, without realizing it, they are having a profound reaction to it instead of to their child’s current behavior. Conscious parenting requires mindfulness, and mindfulness requires a parent to be fully present in the moment. Bringing our full awareness into the ‘now’ can help us recognize the meaning and truth in each moment and make better, healthier decisions.

Mindful parents are less likely to have automatic, unexamined reactions to their children’s behavior. Staying present also means parents are less likely to “pop back” into their own childhood traumas and wounds.

Getting Started with Conscious Parenting

Conscious parenting is easier than it sounds. To start, you’ve got to slow down so you recognize when you are reacting to a present moment authentically and when you are reacting to your own past moment.

And speaking of slowing down, try and take a three-second pause before reacting to anything your kid does. This small space will allow you to check yourself. Does the reaction you were about to have match the actual situation? If not, what WERE you reacting to?

And finally, forgive yourself for any past parenting errors. We all do the best we can do. As Maya Angelou once said, “When you know better, you do better.”

Speaking with a therapist may help you discover old wounds and programming you are parenting from. If you’d like to explore treatment options, please be in touch. I would be very happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

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How to Help Your Child Manage Their Anxiety

Wed, 06 May 2020 13:00:00 GMT

For many, childhood is the most wondrous and exciting time in a person’s life. But even when a child is growing in a loving and stable family environment, they can feel fear and anxiety.

Think back on your childhood. Everything new was something to be not-so-sure of. It was easy to feel a bit anxious on the first day of school or meeting someone for the first time. A child often feels anxious at bedtime, having to go to the doctor or dentist, or on their first day of summer camp.

When children experience anxiety, they may run away, become very quiet, scream, shake, act silly, cling or have a tantrum to avoid the stressful situation. You may have tried to talk with your child and reason with them in these moments. But this generally doesn’t work.

Brain research suggests that it is extremely difficult for young children to think logically or control their behavior in these anxious moments. They are experiencing real fear and the fight/flight/freeze mode that accompanies it.

Here are 3 science-based ways parents can help their children manage their anxiety so they may regain a sense of safety.

1. Stimulate Their Vagus Nerve

The vagus nerve is located on both sides of the voice box. Studies have shown that stimulating it can interrupt the fight/flight/freeze mode and send a signal to your child’s brain that he or she is not under attack.

Some easy ways to help your child stimulate this nerve are:

2. Help Them Slow Their Breathing

Like adults, when children are anxious they tend to take rapid shallow breaths from the chest. Taking slower, deeper breaths from the abdomen sends a signal to their brain that they are safe and can relax.

Older children may be able to follow you as you show them slow breathing exercises. For younger children, there are some playful ways to get them to slow down and control their breathing. You can have them blow bubbles, blow into a pinwheel, imagine your fingers are birthday candles and have them slowly blow them out, teach them to whistle and simply see if they can hold their breath for three seconds as if they were swimming.

3. Be Silly

Research also suggests that humor can significantly reduce anxiety. Humor has a way of distracting, relaxing muscles and releasing endorphins that combat stress and anxiety.

Try silly knock-knock jokes or word games like “I went on a picnic.” A quick internet search will result in a ton of corny jokes that your youngster will most likely love, so print some out and have them on hand.

Anxiety is a part of life, but if you use these three techniques, you can help your child manage theirs. If you think your child could benefit from speaking to someone, please feel free to be in touch. I’d be more than happy to discuss treatment options.

The post How to Help Your Child Manage Their Anxiety appeared first on Focus Therapy .

Coping with Working from Home During COVID-19

Fri, 01 May 2020 13:00:00 GMT

How many mornings have you shut off that alarm, wishing you could just work from home in your PJs? Well now many of us are getting our wish thanks to COVID-19.

While in theory working from home may seem ideal, the reality for many of us is that it’s, well, kind of a pain. Particularly if you have young children home from school that you now have to teach while still keeping productive at work.

The fact is, this sudden and unexpected disruption to our daily lives has many of us feeling stressed!

Here are some ways you can cope with working from home for the unforeseeable future.

1. Get Your Space Right

If you don’t have a dedicated home office, you’ll want to figure something out ASAP. Having the right space at home will help you focus on the tasks at hand. It will also automatically set boundaries with family.

Do you have a spare room you can use? Is there an area in your finished basement that could work? If not, clear off the dining table and set up there.

2. Keep Your Regular Schedule

You may want to treat the next 2-3 weeks as a sort of family vacation, but it’s best if you and the kids stick to your regular routines. That means getting up and going to bed at the same time, showering, getting dressed and having breakfast as you normally would. Straying from routine will demotivate you to complete the work that needs to get done.

3. Take Advantage of the Flexibility

While it’s important to keep to your routines, that doesn’t mean you can’t take advantage of having more time on your hands. Instead of spending an hour plus on a commute each day, you could use that time to catch up on home projects that have been on your to-do list for a while. You can also use the added time to reconnect with your family.

4. Give Your Kids Structure

Kids need structure, so give them some each day. This could mean giving them three options of how they will spend the afternoon: playing with Legos in the living room, watching a movie or quiet reading in their bedrooms. Be sure to take a break from work every couple of hours to check in with your kids to answer any questions they may have. Lord knows they ALWAYS have some!

5. Get Some Virtual Babysitters

On those days when you have to conduct many meetings and get much done, consider reaching out to family and friends to arrange virtual playdates with the kids. Thanks to Skype and FaceTime, your virtual babysitters can read, play games and interact with your kids online while you get some important work done.

If you find you are getting a bit squirrelly, even after following these tips, you can always reach out to a mental healthcare provider who can give you some more ideas of how to manage the stress.

If you’d like to speak to someone, please reach out to me. At this time, I am able to conduct sessions via phone or Skype, so you don’t even have to leave your home if your state is on lockdown.

SOURCES:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/biofeedback-and-mindfulness-in-everyday-life/202003/77-strategies-working-home-during-covid-19

https://www.cnbc.com/2020/03/17/working-at-home-with-kids-during-covid-19-crisis-with-kids-underfoot.html

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How to Cope with the Stress and Anxiety Caused by COVID-19

Tue, 28 Apr 2020 13:00:00 GMT

If you’re like most people, you are doing your best to stay calm during COVID-19 pandemic. But that can feel incredibly difficult at times. When not worrying about friends and loved one’s health, there’s also the conflicting information provided by the media and the economic ramifications of the virus that have people on edge.

Signs of Emotional Distress and 6 Ways to Cope

Everyone reacts differently to stressful situations, but most will exhibit some of the following signs:

If you are experiencing significant stress right now, here are some ways you can cope:

1. Limit Media Consumption

Hearing the media constantly spread panic isn’t good for anyone. It’s important to stay rational and do your own research to uncover facts from fiction as well as stay positive.

2. Nurture Your Body and Spirit

Be sure to get outside for some fresh air and go for a walk. Eat right and make sure to stay hydrated and get plenty of sleep. Avoid consuming too much alcohol and try and find fun ways to reconnect with your family.

3. Tap into Your Sense of Fun

If you have kids, look to them for some good old-fashioned playtime. Play hide and seek in the house. Create an obstacle course in the back yard. Watch some of your favorite funny movies. Laughter really is the best medicine so get plenty of it!

4. Support Your Local Community

Many local businesses are hurting right now. If you’re still getting a paycheck, consider buying a gift card from a local restaurant, gym, hair salon, etc. to give them revenue now and you can use the card later. This will make you feel great at the same time.

5. Be a Role Model

Remember, your kids will ALWAYS look to you first to see how they should be thinking and feeling about something. So move about each day calmly and confidently and reassure your kids everything will be okay because it will be.

6. Use Your Time Constructively

For many of us, there is a silver lining in this situation in the form of extra time. What can you do with the extra time that isn’t being used to drive an hour or more each day in commuting? Focus on using this time wisely. Maybe you have an ever-growing list of home projects that you just never have time to tackle. Tackle them now, you’ll feel great about it later.

If you find yourself becoming too stressed or depressed during this time, I encourage you to connect with me. Speaking with a therapist can help you cope with the situation and navigate the days ahead. I am currently able to conduct sessions over the phone or via Skype, so you won’t even have to leave your home if your state is in lockdown.

SOURCES:

https://www.ucihealth.org/news/2020/03/covid-19-anxiety

https://www.health.state.mn.us/communities/ep/behavioral/stress_covid19.pdf

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Why People Misunderstand Anxiety

Thu, 30 Jan 2020 19:02:00 GMT

Did you ever play the game called “telephone” growing up? One kid whispered a secret message into the ear of the kid next to him. That kid then whispered the “same” message into the ear of the kid next to her. On and on each kid would whisper the message around the circle until you came to the last kid, who would then announce the secret message aloud.

Often the final message sounded nothing like the original message. That’s because every person has their own way of hearing and sharing information. Sometimes it’s accurate – sometimes it’s not.

In this way, you could say that language is a necessary evil. Without it we would not be able to share ideas and information with each other. But when each person has their own language filters, information can become skewed.

Personal information and language filters can make discussing and understanding anxiety disorders difficult. While we all experience anxious moments from time to time, 18% of adults in the United States are actually affected by a form of anxiety disorder.

But how many times have you heard a friend or a coworker say something like, “I was totally having a panic attack yesterday when you didn’t show up!” They weren’t actually having a panic attack, they were merely concerned you were late.

When everyone assumes they have an issue with anxiety, they believe they have first-hand experience of the disorder and therefor know what it is. But using certain language that may or may not be accurate to convey a common feeling (ie – being nervous before a job interview) is not the same thing as truly knowing something.

Panic Disorder VS Social Anxiety

There are two main types of anxiety disorder and for this discussion, it’s important to make the distinction between each.

Panic Disorder

People who have been diagnosed with and suffer from panic disorder believe very strongly that the “panic attacks” they experience mean something is physically very wrong with them. For instance, many sufferers believe they are having a heart attack. Some may believe the dizziness and shortness of breath is a result of some serious and undiagnosed illness such as a brain tumor.

Social Anxiety Disorder (Social Phobia)

People with social anxiety disorder experience anxiety when faced with social situations. They do not believe their anxiety is related to an illness or disease, yet have little control over their fear of social interactions. Their anxiety becomes debilitating when the person feels they may be singled out, embarrassed or ridiculed.

People who suffer from social anxiety disorder will do anything to alleviate their fear. This means decreasing the amount of social interactions they have on a daily basis as much as possible. This disorder negatively impacts the person’s ability to emotionally connect with others, and holds them back in their career and academic life.

Because of language discrepancies, those who don’t have an anxiety disorder sometimes believe they do, while those that do may assume they don’t.

The main point to get across here is this:

It is normal to feel anxious, fearful and worried from time to time. But feeling anxiety on a daily basis, to the point where you are concerned for your physical health or are compromising your career and personal relationships is not normal.

Anxiety Disorders Are Treatable

No one should have to live with a debilitating anxiety disorder. The good news is, anxiety disorders are treatable. A therapist can help to uncover the root cause of the fear and provide tools and strategies to cope.

If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.

The post Why People Misunderstand Anxiety appeared first on Focus Therapy .

5 Subtle Exercises to Calm Anxiety in Public

Mon, 27 Jan 2020 19:00:00 GMT

According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, 40 million adults over the age of 18 suffer from an anxiety disorder. If you are one of them, you know how difficult your life can feel most days.

When anxiety strikes, the world around us can become a sort of funhouse, only not that much fun. It’s important to be able to self-soothe in these instances. But how can you calm an anxiety attack subtly when you’re out in public?

Breath Work

As soon as you feel the anxiety coming on, focus intently on your breathing and nothing else. Begin to take slow… deep breaths. Inhale for a slow count of three… hold for a count of three… and exhale for a count of three. Slow deep breaths send a signal to our body that we are not under attack and everything is okay.

Talk to Yourself

In your mind, re mind yourself that you are having an experience but that you are NOT that experience. While you feel that something is wrong, remind yourself that you are actually safe and all is well.

Visualize

Think of something that calms you. This may be your childhood bedroom or your grandparent’s home. It could be your favorite beach or your own bathtub. Simply put yourself IN that space. Use your full imagination to feel yourself there and allow the calm to settle over you.

Carry Lavender Oil

Keep a small vile of lavender oil in your purse or pocket and inhale its scent. You can even rub some between your finger and then rub on your temples to calm down.

Practice Listening Meditation

If you’ve never tried listening meditation, I highly recommend it for everyone. But it can be especially beneficial when you are feeling anxious, and here’s why. Listening requires you to stop thinking. Try it now. Stop reading and instead listen to all of the ambient sounds there in the room with you, outside the door and window.

What do you hear?

Let your sense of hearing grow and grow, picking up more subtle sounds. The buzz of the lights overhead… the noise of the ice maker… a bee at the window… your dog’s collar down the hall…

It’s actually a very fun exercise to do. And in order to REALLY GIVE SOUND YOUR FULL ATTENTION, you can’t think while listening. It’s a bit like trying to juggle while standing on your hands, it simply cannot be done.

Much of our anxiety comes from our anxious thoughts. It’s our reptilian brain trying to keep us alive by alerting us to all of the dangers around us. But when we meditate, this mind chatter goes away.

When an anxiety attack comes on, life can feel unbearable. The next time this happens to you in public, try one or more of these techniques.

And if you’d like to speak with someone about your anxiety, please get in touch. I’d be happy to explore treatment options.

The post 5 Subtle Exercises to Calm Anxiety in Public appeared first on Focus Therapy .

Why You Should Care What TV Your Kids Watch

Thu, 23 Jan 2020 19:02:00 GMT

Back when many of us were growing up, our parents would yell at us to shut the TV off and go outside and play. Parents of generations past knew that fresh air and sunshine were ultimately healthier than watching the “boob tube.” And back then the boob tube was far gentler than it is today!

But with each passing generation of parents, the TV was not just used for entertainment, it also became the number 1 babysitter for many households. I’m sure if we’re honest, most of us would admit to sticking our kids in front of the television so we could get some work done.

But there have been far too many studies that have concluded that television is harmful to our children’s development. In fact, many child psychologists and child development experts recommend that young children between the ages of 2 and 3 not be exposed to TV at all . Sadly, many parents place their young toddler in front of the TV set in hopes it will be educational for them.

Just How harmful is Television to Children?

It may surprise you what some studies uncovered about the effects of television viewing and children:

1. Poor Academic Performance

Researchers at Columbia’s College of Physicians and Surgeons found that 14-year-olds who watched more than one hour of TV daily “ were at elevated risk for poor homework completion, negative attitudes toward school, poor grades, and long-term academic failure .’’ Those kids who watched three or more hours of TV each day were at even greater risk for learning disabilities.

2. A Lower Level of Education

Another study published in the American Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine found that “Increased time spent watching television during childhood and adolescence was associated with a lower level of educational attainment by early adulthood.’’

3. Development of Bad Lifestyle Choices

It’s not just education that is affected by TV viewing. The University of Michigan Health System has stated that kids who watch television are more likely to be overweight, smoke, have high cholesterol and suffer from sleep problems.

4. Teen Sex

Other studies have found that teens who watch more sexual content on TV are twice as likely to be involved in underage pregnancy.

What Can We Do?

While some of us older folks may think, “We watched TV growing up and we came out just fine,” it’s important to remember that TV viewing time back then was generally far less and the content was far different. If we want our kids to thrive and become the best they can be in the future, it may be time to make some adjustments right now.

The post Why You Should Care What TV Your Kids Watch appeared first on Focus Therapy .

How to Bring Up Resilient Children

Mon, 20 Jan 2020 19:00:00 GMT

Have you heard the phrase “helicopter parent?” It describes a mother or father that ‘hovers’ around their child 24/7, overseeing their life to keep them from every potential danger, pitfall and mishap. It looks good on paper, but this kind of parenting forgets one important fact of reality: life happens .

Adversity happens to all of us. Those children who engage with adversity in their formative years learn how to handle it well and come up with strategies and solutions. These are the kids that grow up to be resilient, getting right back up when life knocks them down a few pegs.

Here are some ways parents can raise resilient children:

Plant the Right Mindset

How your child sees the world and their own potential in it directly informs how they make decisions. Teach them a positive and empowering mindset from the beginning. Teach them that failure does not exist, only learning what works and what doesn’t. Failing grades and losing games aren’t the end of the world, though they may feel like it. What really matters is the commitment and effort they put into reaching their goal.

Don’t Meet Their Every Need

A child will never be able to develop their own coping strategies if someone is there every second making sure they never become hurt or disappointed. Do your best to NOT overprotect your children and give them some space to figure it out all on their own.

Help Your Children Connect

Social children who are well connected to others feel a sense of support and resilience. Authentic relationships provide a safe space and a person to talk to about their feelings. Help socialize your child as soon as possible so they can form deep connections on their own as they grow.

Let Them Take Some Risks

All parents want to keep their kids safe, but there comes a point when you’ve got to let go a bit and let them learn HOW to be safe on their own. For instance, one day your child will need to get their driver’s license. You can help that older child be a safe driver by allowing their younger self to ride their bicycle around the neighborhood. This will teach them to pay attention, look both ways, etc.

Teach Them the Right Skills

Instead of focusing on the ‘danger’ or uncomfortableness of a situation, teach your child how to navigate it. For instance, if he or she is going away to summer camp for the first time, brainstorm some ideas of how they can learn to be comfortable away from home. Pack their favorite blanket. Talk to them about calling you at certain times to check in. Teach them how to solve their own problems. This is one of the greatest gifts parents can give.

Resiliency isn’t something that’s automatically handed down to kids; it’s something that must be instilled and molded over time. Planting these seeds now will set your child up for success in their future.

The post How to Bring Up Resilient Children appeared first on Focus Therapy .

A Parent’s Guide to Teen Depression and Suicide

Thu, 16 Jan 2020 19:00:00 GMT

The statistics on teen suicide are staggering. According to the Centers for Disease Control, each year, an average of 8% of American teens will attempt suicide. This makes suicide the second leading cause of death for kids aged 10 to 24. In fact, it is believed that more teenagers die from suicide than from cancer, pneumonia, birth defects, AIDS, influenza and heart disease combined .

Studies have found that teens who have presented with a mood disorder or who abuse drugs are at the greatest risk of attempting suicide. While research suggests girls attempt suicide more often, boys more often die from it.

Unfortunately, there is still much stigma surrounding depression and suicide, and so often these kids keep their emotional pain to themselves.

What can parents of teenagers do to keep their children safe and healthy?

Speak with Your Kid

Many parents believe that trying to speak with their kids about their moods and feelings will only push them farther away. This is a dangerous misconception. In reality, teenagers need to know they are safe, loved and cared for.

You may want to begin your conversation by asking general questions about what’s going on in their life. When the time feels right, you can ask if they have ever had thoughts of self-harm. If their answer alarms you, ask specifically if they are planning on or intending to harm themselves.

Validate Their Feelings

Once you’ve begun this sensitive dialogue with your teen, it’s important to actively listen and validate their feelings. Your kid must really believe you are a) hearing what they’re telling you and b) recognizing the importance of it. Try and listen without judgement. This will help your child relax and open up, thereby giving you an opportunity to learn even more about their inner emotional life.

Clarify the Situation

If your teen confides they are having thoughts of suicide, it’s incredibly important that you remain calm and ask questions that will help you clarify the situation. You will want to determine if they are mentioning suicide because they:

Seek Professional Guidance

Any talk of suicide is a serious matter and requires professional guidance by a trained therapist. It’s important not to force your teen into any treatment plan, but instead, allow them to help direct the course of their plan. Some of their depression might stem from an overall lack of control they feel they have in their own life, so it’s important you let them have a voice in the direction of treatment. You may also find that you will want to speak with someone through this difficult time.

If you or a loved one is seeking treatment options for a troubled teen, please be in touch. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help your family.

The post A Parent’s Guide to Teen Depression and Suicide appeared first on Focus Therapy .

Top 5 Ways to Reduce Anxiety

Mon, 13 Jan 2020 19:00:00 GMT

It’s rare that any of us will get through life without experiencing anxiety at some point. But some people have the burden of dealing with anxiety on a daily basis. Whether it’s over something big or insignificant, anxiety stops us from living a normal life full of joy and potential.

Here are 5 ways you can begin reducing your anxiety:

1. Recognize You Are in Control

When you are in the grips of anxiety, it feels very much like it has total control over you. But the reality is, you are in control. While external events can trigger our emotions, ultimately, we have the choice whether we feel those emotions or not. So the good news is, you don’t have to suffer with anxiety, you simply have to decide to show it who’s really boss.

2. Diaphragmatic breathing

This physical strategy is very helpful to relax in stressful situations. While breathing, focus on breathing into the belly while keeping your shoulders down and relaxed. As opposed to expanding your chest, focus on letting your abdomen expand while inhaling.

3. Move Your Body

Exercise is a great way to alleviate the muscle tension that goes along with chronic anxiety. Plus, exercise releases feel good chemicals in your body like serotonin. But don’t sweat it, you don’t have to do a grueling workout at the gym to gain these benefits. Just a half hour a day of walking, biking, swimming or yoga can significantly help reduce your anxiety.

4. Start a Gratitude Journal

Get into the habit of writing down three to five things you are grateful for each night before retiring. This is a simple way to train your mind to focus on all of the good that surrounds you.

5. Speak with a Professional

The cure for any physical or psychological ailment is to get to the root cause of it, not simply manage the symptoms. A therapist can help you access your inner world to uncover what is triggering your fear and also offer coping tools and strategies.

If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.

The post Top 5 Ways to Reduce Anxiety appeared first on Focus Therapy .

Is Your Leadership Process Broken?

Thu, 19 Dec 2019 16:07:00 GMT

By: Brandon Mimick, Ed.D

If you are struggling to see leaders around you, I believe the time has come to look in the mirror and be honest about what role you play in this lack of leaders and what needs to evolve. Trust me, I have been in this position and had to step back, reflect, and be honest with myself about how I might be helping or hindering the process. When I did this, there were a few things I realized that I needed to do:

Want more leaders? Be honest with yourself. What role are you playing in the situation you currently find yourself and what needs to change for things to improve? Are you meeting the individual/s where they are in the process or simply screaming for them at the end to hurry up? Have you defined, verbalized, and developed what it is you are expecting the individual to live up to? And, are these expectations realistic? Again, things worth doing take time. These 14 to 18 year olds are going to make mistakes. However, if we are willing to invest time in them, supporting them along the way, and helping them to better understand what it is they are doing and what it is they are capable of doing, I am confident we will find our way across the minefield!

Brandon Mimick, EdD, CSCS, Bennington HS, NE:

Coach Mimick is currently in his 13th year at Bennington High School where he teaches Strength & Conditioning, is an assistance varsity football coach, and coordinates strength and speed programs for student-athletes throughout the year. Coach Mimick holds a doctorate in interdisciplinary leadership from Creighton University, is a Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist (CSCS), a Registered Strength and Conditioning Coach (RSCC), and is Reflexive Performance Reset Level 1 (RPR). In 2018, Coach Mimick was named the Nebraska Coach of the Year by the National High School Strength Coaches Association (NHSSCA). Coach Mimick resides in Bennington with his wife, Casey, and his two daughters: Finnley (3) and Hattie (almost 1). You can follow and create a continued dialogue with Coach on Twitter @M_i_m_i_c_k.

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5 Free Ways to Improve Your Mental Health

Tue, 29 Oct 2019 12:00:00 GMT

When we talk about our mental health, we’re talking about much more than a clinical diagnosis. Your mental health also refers to your psychological well-being. Having a healthy psychological well-being means you’re able to better manage your emotions as well as your mood. Every day presents its unique challenges, and a healthy mental state can help you take challenges in stride.

1. Positive Affirmations

Repeating an affirmation can help you create a positive mental outlook that will be a driving force in your life. Use a search engine to look up “positive affirmations” and you’ll find several ideas of words and phrases that resonate with you, and things you struggle with. You can also try searching for something more specific, such as “positive affirmations for women” or “positive affirmations to improve self esteem”.

Repeat your phrase or phrases during meditation, either out loud or in your mind. Repeating affirmations or mantras during consistent meditation practices can help you overcome negative self-talk, which will greatly improve your mental health.

2. Gratitude

Practicing gratitude will sharpen your attention towards the positive aspects of your life. By focusing on what’s good, you’ll start to notice and appreciate other positive things in your life. Gratitude is more than just a feeling; it is a choice. By choosing to be grateful, you can keep your mind distracted from negative thoughts.

3. Eat Healthy

Eating healthy is a vital part of positive mental health. Eating a balanced diet of fruits, vegetables, lean protein and whole grains will slowly release energy into your bloodstream, creating a consistent level of energy that won’t leave you feeling tired or sluggish. Eating healthy will also provide a mental boost because you’ll feel good about your healthy food choices.

4. Sunshine

Sunshine is a great way to boost your mood. Put on some comfortable walking shoes and take a leisurely walk around your neighborhood, or a local park. Exposure to sunlight will help your brain release serotonin which will boost your mood, and help you feel more calm and focused.

5. Get Some Sleep

A good night’s sleep is a vital part of a healthy lifestyle. When you’re well rested, you’re naturally energized. Regular sleep also boosts your immune system as well as your cognitive and mental health.

You have the power to improve your mood. By making some healthy additions to your daily routines, you can develop regular habits that will improve your overall mental well-being.

Are you having trouble staying positive or managing your moods? A licensed mental health professional can help you find better coping strategies, and offer additional support and guidance to help you live a more balanced life. Call my office today, and let’s schedule a time to talk.

The post 5 Free Ways to Improve Your Mental Health appeared first on Focus Therapy .

Four Keys to Building & Improving Culture in your Athletic Program

Fri, 25 Oct 2019 19:24:00 GMT

By: Luke Olson, MGCP

Performance Coach

Make your youth program a priority . When I talk about our program, I mean our K-12 program. I want active involvement from my staff and players, and I try to get good people involved with my youth programs and camps. I try to make our youth sessions efficient and with great purpose. I want the sessions to prepare them for a future with our program, which to us means good skills, good work ethic, and good character. Our program wants to see a lot of interaction between our high school players and our youth players. We feel like this fills our stands and creates great game environments. We want our youth players watching how our high school kids compete and envisioning themselves in the same situations in their future, and we want our high school players to understand that they are constantly being watched. We feel that this creates consistency with the program so the younger players know what is expected of them both on and off the floor once they begin their freshman year in our high school program. Consistency within your K-12 program builds culture.

Create strong relationships with players . I have high expectations from all of the players in our program. Our players have intense off-season workouts, they work numerous youth camps and volunteer their time at community events. Classroom behavior and grades are checked on during the year, and our in-season schedule is very time-consuming and intense. I feel like all of this allows us a chance to compete at a high level and use our influence in the right way. I wouldn’t be able to expect this from our players unless they trusted me and trusted that I have their best interests in mind. This can only happen with strong relationships that are created, improved, and developed outside of basketball workouts. This starts in our youth sessions. These sessions are far less intense than our high school workouts which allows for more time to get to know them. As they become high school players, this continues with individual meetings, small group meetings, classroom time, time spent after practice or workouts just checking in. The more you get to know your players on a personal level, the better you can coach them. What can you do to help them? What fills their cups? What motivates them? Once players know you are invested in their life outside of their sport, the trust builds and their buy-in to your program strengthens.

Create a Safe Environment . Don’t misunderstand this. My definition of safe might be different than yours. Our ideal practice environment is one actually driven by conflict. Conflict that takes place in a safe environment is beneficial to the group, but conflict can be detrimental in other types of situations. We want to create a practice environment where intense effort is encouraged, appreciated, and expected, resulting in a highly competitive and “chippy” atmosphere. We want all of our players to push each other outside their comfort zone on a consistent basis at practice, knowing that if done in the right way, all players will see improvement. We feel that this can happen if every player knows that our practices are safe places to give that kind of effort. We try to send the message that only true competitors, those that understand and appreciate how important it is to get after each other in practice, are allowed into our practices. If we didn’t believe that you were capable of giving that kind of effort, we wouldn’t have brought you into our program. If we didn’t feel that you were capable of moving on once practice is over, you wouldn’t be allowed to be part of our program. We feel like the safest environment is one where players can get after each other in a competitive, conflict-driven practice, feeling confident that there will be no carry over once practice ends. If we can create that type of environment, our players will benefit, the trust between coaches and players grows, and our culture will be stronger.

Coach with Consistency . We encourage aggressive mistakes in practice. (These are different than mistakes caused by a lack of effort – we will not tolerate effort mistakes!) We feel that the team that makes more aggressive mistakes in the game has a better chance of winning because it gives our kids an aggressive mindset and not a timid one. We also want our players to hear us tell them to make mistakes, which we hope allows them an easier path to move on from their mistakes in a game. Because we encourage them in practice, we have to be cognizant of how we react to mistakes in a game. We try not to show any reaction to a mistake other than one that shows complete confidence in the player that made the mistake. The player already knows the mistake was made, no need for us to point it out, he needs us to show him that we still have complete confidence in his ability to make the next play. We have to be consistent in how we handle mistakes in practices and in games in order to allow our players to play at a high level. Players that play without fear of making mistakes have a better chance to play at the top of their potential. I believe the worst thing I could do during a game is to “sell out” my player with a reaction that highlights a mistake he made and admonishes myself. Coaches that do this appear to be blaming the kid, justifying their ability to coach, and virtually leaving his player on an island by himself. No coach intentionally coaches his player to make a mistake, and no player intends to make a mistake. In the difficult moment after a mistake, the player will likely hear something from the crowd, an opponent, or possibly a teammate. He needs to look at his coach and see confidence and trust. Mistakes by players are opportunities to build trust – accepting a player’s mistake or even sharing the blame of the mistake strengthens that player’s trust in you. Strong cultures are built on trust, and trust is earned in the difficult moments, not the easy ones.

Luke’s career has always revolved around sports. A three-sport athlete in high school, he played College Basketball at Hastings College from 1999-2003, earning 1 ^st Team All-Conference and graduating as a 1,000 point scorer. He started his coaching career as a college assistant, and has continued into the high school ranks in Nebraska. He took the Head Boys Basketball job at Bennington High School in 2011, when the school was transitioning from Class C to Class B. As one of the smallest schools in the state in Class B at the time, he began looking for other ways for his teams to gain an edge against the larger competition. One of those methods was the mental game work that we use here at Focus. After a 22-26 record his first two years, his teams have gone 112-42, winning four consecutive district championships and two consecutive conference championships. In the past 5 years, he has coached the 1 ^st , 3 ^rd , and 4 ^th All-time leading scorers in Bennington history, and his teams have broken several school records. As a Certified Mental Game Coach, Luke has used the curriculum with several of his players and seen tremendous results. His players have been named to an All-State team seven times and four have earned Collegiate Scholarships. The MGCP program has given Luke an avenue to continue to help young athlete’s put themselves in a position to have more success on the field, court, or course. More importantly, the skills that we work on make our athletes happier, more confident, and can be applied to all aspects of life. The stress and anxiety level of today’s athletes are as high as they’ve ever been – allow us to help them manage the stress and work to achieve the goals they have set for themselves.

The post Four Keys to Building & Improving Culture in your Athletic Program appeared first on Focus Therapy .

The ADD / ADHD Cookbook: Help Balance Your Brain With Food

Tue, 15 Oct 2019 12:00:00 GMT

If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD, you may be wondering if what you eat has any impact on how you feel or your disorder. The answer to that question is a resounding, “Yes!”

Modern science is now proving that diet contributes to many of the major diseases we encounter in life such as heart disease and type II diabetes. One of the findings is how food affects inflammation in the body, inflammation being the root cause of all disease.

Inflammation can also affect the brain, and many health experts are now making a connection between diet and diseases like Alzheimer’s, depression, and ADD/ADHD.

Yes, that’s right – your diet does affect your/your loved one’s ADD or ADHD. Which means the extra boost to your treatment that you’ve been looking for has been hiding in your fridge all this time.

With this in mind, let’s talk about what you should… and should NOT be eating if you have ADD/ADHD:

AVOID

Sugar

The more we find out about this white substance, the more it starts to feel like none of us should be eating it. Excessive sugar intake can tamper with the reward pathways in the brain that are involved in drug addiction. Many believe it can also tamper with the hyperactivity trigger. Sugar also causes erratic blood sugar levels, which cause dramatic mood swings in some people.

Besides the obvious culprits like candy, cookies, and soda, it’s also important to avoid most packaged foods, which often have high amounts of hidden sugars. This includes condiments, soups, and cereal.

Colorants and Other Additives

Colorants and other additives are meant to make our food look more appealing or last longer on store shelves, but many people believe that these substances also contribute to inflammation in the body.

As with sugar, a good rule of thumb is to avoid prepackaged foods as much as possible. Artificial drinks are a big culprit. Always read labels and when you see the word “flavor” or “flavored” anywhere on the package, the safest bet is to set the package back down and walk away.

Common Food Allergens

Many children and adults have allergies or sensitivities to foods that contain gluten, wheat, corn, and soy. These have been associated with inattentiveness and hyperactivity. Consider getting officially tested for these sensitivities and allergies with your doctor to see if there are any other foods that should be personally avoided.

EAT MORE

Protein

Are you eating enough protein? Most people simply don’t get enough into their diet. Protein is not only responsible for building muscle, but also building and repairing every tissue, organ, and even hormones.

Research has also shown that ADD/ADHD symptoms are caused by an imbalance in the catecholaminergic systems in the brain areas that control memory, motor functioning and emotional regulation. The two most abundant catecholamines in the brain are the neurotransmitters dopamine and norepinephrine . Both of these are derived from the amino acid tyrosine and amino acids are derived from proteins, so make sure to get enough into your diet from sources such as lean meats, eggs, and nuts.

Omega-3 Fats

Omega-3 fats are important to anyone for a variety of reasons. They reduce inflammation and also help to transmit brain signals. Health experts have also linked ADHD to an omega-3 fatty acid deficiency. You can increase your omega-3 consumption by eating cold-water fish such as salmon and tuna.

If you have a kiddo that doesn’t like the taste of fish, consider a quality omega-3 supplement. It’s true that the less expensive supplements can occasionally have a harmless fishy smell, but through trial and error or asking a pharmacist you’ll quickly find that there are many options available that are no more offensive smelling than household aspirin.

B Vitamins

Remember those neurotransmitters I just mentioned in the section about protein? B vitamins actually help to synthesize those neurotransmitters. You can eat all the protein in the world but if you are deficient in B vitamins, you won’t get the full benefits. While foods like fish, meat, and eggs are excellent sources of B vitamins, most health experts agree supplementation is the easiest and most effective way to get enough into your body.

After adjusting your diet, if you feel you need some extra help getting your ADD/ADHD symptoms under control, please reach out to me. I would be happy to discuss treatment options with you.

The post The ADD / ADHD Cookbook: Help Balance Your Brain With Food appeared first on Focus Therapy .

5 Ways to Get Your Teenager to Talk to You

Tue, 24 Sep 2019 19:00:00 GMT

It’s tough trying to get your teen to talk. Science has shown that the teenager’s brain has yet to fully develop the frontal cortex, which is the area that controls our ability to reason, and to think before we act. As your teen’s brain develops, they’re also learning new things about themselves and their surrounding world; simultaneously, they’re dealing with hormonal changes out of their control.

For all of these reasons and more, it can be difficult to find ways to talk to your teen, or to get them to talk to you. Although it’s difficult, it’s not impossible; read on to find five ways to get your teenager to talk to you.

Learn to Listen

Take the time to listen to your teenager when they want to talk. Instead of saying you’ll talk to them later, step away from what you’re doing and listen to what they have to say. Don’t talk, interrupt or be quick to offer advice; just listen. Kids have thoughts and experiences that their parents don’t know about, and the best time to listen to them is when they’re asking to talk to you.

Put Yourself in Their Shoes

As you listen to your teen, your knee jerk response may be to quickly resolve their issue, offer advice or maybe even dismiss their complaints or opinions. Put yourself in your teen’s shoes; think about how you would feel if your spouse responded to you the way you respond to them.

Watch for Signs

Everyone has a desire to be heard and understood. As you talk to your teen, mirror back to them what you hear them saying. Watch for signs that they’re not being heard or understood by you. They might roll their eyes, shake their head, wave their hand at you or interrupt. When they’re nodding and/or silent, you’ll know you’ve understood.

Ask Specific Questions

Ask your teen specific questions rather than general “how was your day?” questions. Ask questions about a friend you know by name. Ask about a sport they participate in or a teacher they like. Ask open ended questions such as, “What was Mr. Burton’s class like today?”, or “What was the best thing that happened today? What was the worst thing?”

Location, Location, Location

When and where you try to talk to your teen matters. One of the worst times to talk to kids is after school. Just like you do after work, they need wind-down time. Instead, ask questions around the dinner table. It’s casual, and there’s no pressure for eye contact. The car is another great place to talk to your teen (unless their friends are in the back seat); they feel more comfortable because you’re not looking at them.

If you’re having difficulty communicating with your teenager and need some help and guidance, a licensed mental health professional can help. Call my office today and let’s set up a time to talk.

The post 5 Ways to Get Your Teenager to Talk to You appeared first on Focus Therapy .

Three Tips to Help your Children Handle Mistakes

Tue, 24 Sep 2019 00:59:00 GMT

By: Luke Olson, MGCP

As I watch the youth sports scene unfold, one thing that constantly sticks out to me is the number of young athletes that play the game with incredibly high expectations. We’re currently raising a generation that looks at mistakes as failures and occasionally defines themselves by how they perform in a game. From my experience as a high school coach, I can say that the most successful high school athletes are not the ones that make the fewest mistakes, but the ones that do the best job at dealing with their mistakes. High-performing athletes understand that mistakes are part of the game and they move on past mistakes quicker than their peers. With that being said, here are some things youth parents can do to start teaching their athlete’s the value in making mistakes at their age.

Feedback after the game should focus more on the reaction. “I’m really proud of the way you competed after a couple plays didn’t go your way.” “I loved how you handed the ball to the official, even when you disagreed with the call.” Behavior that is justifiably praised will be repeated.

Luke Olson, MGCP

Performance Coach

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Five Things your Players Need to Hear from you Before a Game

Sat, 21 Sep 2019 17:11:00 GMT

Five things your players need to hear from you before a game

Luke Olson, MGCP

“Make aggressive mistakes!” John Wooden was quoted as saying that the team that makes the most mistakes will likely win the game. This was his approach to encourage his teams to be the aggressor. By encouraging aggressive mistakes, you can take the pressure of playing perfect and any fear of failure away. Players that start a game knowing that aggressive mistakes are encouraged allow themselves to move on from mistakes quicker. This allows them to play more freely and gives them a better chance of reaching the zone. Encouraging mistakes also removes strict expectations that some players place on themselves during games, allowing them to play with a clearer mind, free from the fear of making mistakes.

“Trust yourself – I do!” Practice is when coaches and players analyze, adjust, learn, and prepare. Games are for letting go and just playing. Players need to start the game with a clear mind and rely strictly on the habits they formed during the practices leading up to competition. Trust is the ability to play freely and let it flow, put your mind on “autopilot” and become immersed in the game. Allowing the habits from practice to take over is a skill that can be crucial to performance. A coach that trusts his players understands how crucial, and works to prepare his players during the week and then encourages a trusting mindset during games. Players that play with trust play more confidently, have a better chance of reaching “the zone”, and let go of mistakes easier.

“Stay Focused in each moment.” Thinking about an entire game before it takes place can be overwhelming. Players that get caught up in the end result play timid and tend to make more mistakes. Encourage them to stay focused in each moment with cue words that bring athletes back to the present moment during games. Sayings like “Next-Play” or “W.I.N.” (What’s Important Now), and others are quick ways to refocus your athletes during the course of a game. Staying focused in each moment helps athletes try to win each possession, breaking the entire game into smaller, manageable parts and focuses their energy on something they can control (their effort on this possession) rather than the outcome of the game.

“I’m excited for you – can’t wait to watch you compete.” Every game is an opportunity for your team to compete, to improve, and to enjoy playing with their teammates. The game is not do-or-die, regardless of when the game takes place or what level it takes place at. Players that play with an excitement and a joy to be out there have a better chance of playing games in the trusting mindset. Players that compete in the trusting mindset have a better chance of finding the flow and playing in the zone. Approaching the game with an excited energy rather than a tense anxiety allows your players to play at a higher level.

“Just Play!” The last thing a player needs to hear is to just roll the ball out and go compete. Allow your instincts and habits to take over and just play. Most teams will play like they’ve practiced, so the skills you’ve taught in practice will be on display during the game. We all want our players to play at a high level, the easiest route to get there is to quiet their mind and allow them to compete. Encourage them to just play!

Luke Olson, MGCP

Performance Coach

The post Five Things your Players Need to Hear from you Before a Game appeared first on Focus Therapy .

4 Things You Need to Know About Adolescent Anxiety

Thu, 19 Sep 2019 19:01:00 GMT

Anxiety is like fire: It can keep us safe and warm, or completely devastate our property and our lives. It’s good to be a little anxious at times. When walking down a deserted street at night, anxiety keeps us on alert and ready to fight or take flight should a dangerous situation arise.

But for many people, especially adolescents, anxiety can become the norm instead of the exception. Just walking into a classroom or being with a group of people they don’t know can become crisis situations. And, the more they experience these scary events, the more anxiety becomes a chronic condition.

Here are 4 things parents and teachers should know about adolescent anxiety.

1. Anxiety Refers to Physical Symptoms Associated with Negative Thoughts

Negative thoughts such as, “No one will like me,” or “Everyone is going to think I’m stupid” come first. These thoughts are then followed by physical symptoms such as a stomach ache, diarrhea, or shaking and shallow breathing. Young people need to learn how to not only shift their thinking (“This will feel awkward but I’ll be okay”) but also cope with the physical stress (take slow, deep breaths). This will help kids know without a doubt they can handle uncomfortable feelings instead of avoiding them.

2. Dealing with Anxiety Requires Problem Solving Skills

Life is full of uncertainties and gray areas. Parents of very young children help them navigate through these situations. But adolescents must be equipped with problem solving skills so they may tolerate uncertainty instead of avoiding it, as avoidance only makes things worse and gives anxiety more power.

3. The Adolescent Mind is More Sensitive to Environmental Stress

The adolescent mind is a jumble of chemical changes that can make any situation seem like time spent in a fun house. These hormonal changes make adolescence a particularly challenging time to cope with anxiety.

4. Anxiety is a Vicious Cycle

When young people are anxious, it’s easy for the adults around them to become anxious as a response. But, the more anxious parents and teachers are, the more controlling and inflexible they may become.

As adults, it’s important we manage our own anxiety around our kids and students so we can manage the overall situation much more effectively.

If you or a loved one is struggling with anxiety, therapy can help. If you’re interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.

The post 4 Things You Need to Know About Adolescent Anxiety appeared first on Focus Therapy .

5 Tricks to Managing Your Everyday ADHD

Tue, 17 Sep 2019 19:00:00 GMT

If you’re an adult struggling to cope with ADHD, everyday life can present you with various challenges. You may have difficulty managing work and personal relationships, meeting demands at work and at home, as well as taking care of your own health and well-being. If you’re in need of some tips to help you manage daily life with your ADHD, below are five strategies you can start using today.

1. Watch the Clock
Becoming more mindful of the time will help immensely in managing your day-to-day symptoms. When you start tasks or chores, make note of the time; write it down or say it aloud if needed. You can also stay aware of the time by always wearing a wristwatch. Take note of areas in your home where you may spend a lot of time without realizing it, such as your garage, bathroom, or living room. Instead of relying on small appliance clocks that are easy to ignore (such as on the microwave or the cable box), buy a large wall clock and place it in a highly visible location.

2. Use Timers and Reminders
Use your smart phone to set timers when you start tasks. You can also use your smart phone to set reminders to yourself.

3. Make a Priority List
Keep a list handy for tasks and chores, and be sure to list them by priority: the most important things get done first. For lower priority tasks, schedule to do them after your higher priority tasks are complete. Set a reminder to review your priority list each morning, before you check voicemail or email. When you receive tasks from others, schedule them right away according to your priority list, rather than theirs.

4. Remove or Manage Time Sinks
If you find yourself checking email, news/gossip sites, blogs, or social media too frequently, uninstall or move app shortcuts around to make them harder to access. For websites or computer games/applications, delete shortcuts or bury the shortcut in a folder so it’s more difficult to get to.

5. Give Yourself Extra Time
When figuring how long it will take to complete a task, add 10 minutes on to the time to allow yourself extra time to get things done. Plan to arrive at work and other functions 10 to 15 minutes earlier to avoid being late.

Although there’s no cure for ADHD, there are many things you can do to manage it. By developing healthy habits, you’ll find that handling daily challenges will become second nature.

For additional help, you can find many resources (such as articles, apps, podcasts, and webinars) to help you manage your ADHD at www.ADDitudemag.com , and at add.org/resources .

If you’re having trouble managing your ADHD and would like some guidance from a licensed, trained professional, call my office today so we can set up an appointment to talk.

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Five Warning Signs of Postpartum Depression

Thu, 12 Sep 2019 19:01:00 GMT

Being a new mom can cause you to go through a rollercoaster
of emotions. You might feel overwhelmed with love or bliss, or you might feel
panicky or anxious about your responsibilities as a new mother. It’s natural to
feel a variety of both positive and negative emotions, given the dramatic
hormonal changes that occur following childbirth. However, if you find that
your negative emotions are becoming unmanageable, and fear you might be
experiencing postpartum depression, here are five warning signs to look out
for.

Lack of Interest
Towards the Baby

If you’re suffering from postpartum depression, you may find
that your new role as a mother lacks joy. You may struggle to bond with your
baby, feel overwhelmed by your new responsibilities or overall feel a lack of
interest in your baby.

Lack of Concentration

Trouble focusing, difficulty making decisions or memory
problems are possible signs of postpartum depression.

Change in Eating or Sleeping
Habits

While it’s natural for eating and sleeping habits to change
when you’re a new mom, drastic changes are a sign that something may be wrong.
If you’re having difficulty falling or staying asleep, or are sleeping longer
than usual, this could be a sign of postpartum depression. Eating too much or
too little are other warning signs to look out for.

Feelings of Sadness
or Hopelessness

Hormonal changes after childbirth will naturally cause mood
swings that will differ from what you experienced before giving birth. However,
if you find yourself feeling excessively sad or experiencing feelings of
hopelessness, you may be suffering from postpartum depression.

Lack of Energy and
Motivation

Your newfound responsibilities as a mother will naturally
leave you tired, but overwhelming feelings of exhaustion are something to be concerned
about. If you find that you frequently lack energy or motivation, this is a
sign that you may be experiencing postpartum depression.

If these warning signs seem familiar, you should know that
you’re not alone: 1 in 9 new mothers has postpartum depression. Postpartum
depression is a serious health condition, but it can be treated.

Postpartum Psychosis

In rare cases, women can have postpartum psychosis;
experiencing symptoms such as hallucinations, delusions, obsessive or fearful
thoughts, deep paranoia or thoughts of harming yourself or your baby. If you’re
experiencing any of these symptoms, call your doctor or 911 immediately.

If you believe you’re struggling with postpartum depression,
a licensed therapist can help teach you strategies to manage your depression
and improve your mood. Give my office a call today, and let’s schedule a time
to talk.

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How Being an Over-Involved Sports Parent Can Negatively Impact Your Relationship with Your Children

Tue, 10 Sep 2019 19:00:00 GMT

We’ve all heard of it before, or perhaps even seen it first-hand: the sports parent on the sidelines, screaming at their child or the coaches. They may mean well and think they’re being encouraging, but they’re negatively impacting their child’s sports experience. So how can you tell if you’re an overly involved sports parent?

Social Media

You may have noticed when a sports parent friend or family member gloats on social media when their child succeeds. You may even be guilty of this yourself. They show ribbons, trophies, or happy, smiling photos when their child wins, yet say nothing when they lose. To foster confidence in children, we should put emphasis on their effort, not focus on their success while downplaying a loss.

Losing Your Identity

You may have “softball mom” t-shirts or even a customized license plate. You may schedule your life around your son or daughter’s sports events, or have an empty feeling when you can’t attend one of their games. You might personalize their success or failure by thinking or saying “we won” or “we lost.” If some or all of this sounds familiar, you might be over-involved in your child’s sports activities.

Obsessed with Winning

Parents that are over-involved in their children’s sports activities tend to obsess over wins and become sad or angry over losses. If you count your child’s points or offer a prize when they win or a sour attitude when they lose, you’ve become over-invested.

It’s natural for a child to crave their parent’s love and acceptance. It may be difficult to see how your expectation or encouragement to win is negatively impacting your child, as it might appear to be working. However, when you pressure your child to succeed, they stop having fun and are instead focusing on pleasing you and making you happy.

Instead of expecting or hoping for a win or the most points, concentrate on helping your child build confidence. Find out from your son or daughter what motivates them to play, then change your perspective to match theirs as you encourage and support them.

It’s important to understand that what you might see as gentle encouragement for your child to win or to be their best, is actually creating unneeded stress and pressure on your son or daughter. Parental expectation on a child to succeed does not create a confident or successful athlete.

If you think you might be overly invested in your kid’s sports and need some help, please call my office at your earliest convenience so we can set up an appointment.

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5 Reasons Your Child Should Be in Sports

Thu, 05 Sep 2019 19:00:00 GMT

If your son or daughter spends too much time at home with a glazed look in their eye and the glow of a smartphone in their face, you might want to consider signing them up for school sports. Getting your child off the couch and active will not only bring them immediate benefits but will have a positive effect on them for the rest of their lives. Wondering how that’s possible? Here are five ways playing school sports will benefit your child.

1. Academics
Numerous studies have shown that kids in sports do better in school. School policies that have grade requirements for sports participation show students that they need to take their education seriously in order to continue playing. Additionally, the lessons they learn in sports help them cultivate the tenacity needed to not only complete physically but to excel in their studies, as well. Kids in school sports are also less likely to drop out of school and are more likely to attend college.

2. Fitness
As childhood obesity rates continue to rise, having your kids spending an excessive amount of time playing video games or watching YouTube makes them statistically more vulnerable to unhealthy habits. Regular participation in sports activities will improve your child’s weight and body mass, while they reap the many benefits of physical activity such as improved sleep, mood, and brain function. They’re also less likely to participate in unhealthy or risky behavior.

3. Confidence & Character
When your child participates in sports, they’ll learn how putting effort and practice into something will reap rewards. As they gain confidence when they win and are successful, they will also build character as they inevitably experience a defeat. Learning to take a loss in stride and push forward is an important lesson to learn early in life, and one that will help them as they go through the world and experience inevitable ups and downs.

4. Social Skills
As your child interacts with their coaches, parents and other students, they will develop communication and social skills. They’ll learn how to communicate their needs, contribute ideas as well as listen and follow instruction. They’ll learn how to achieve goals as they work with others, a vital skill that will benefit them throughout adulthood.

5. Lifelong memories
Students that participate in school sports spend a great deal of time together, during and outside of school hours. They will have many unique and fun experiences with a close group of people, creating bonds that can last them a lifetime.

Participating in school sports is an activity that will benefit your child mentally, emotionally and physically, leaving a lasting and lifelong positive impact.

If your child needs guidance in making better choices and creating and reaching goals, please call my office so we can schedule an appointment.

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Improving Self-Esteem

Thu, 06 Jun 2019 11:55:00 GMT

By: Sharon Heckathorn, LIMHP

Self-esteem is a topic that almost everyone can relate to on some level. We may not all struggle with significant anxiety or depression but we can all relate to the idea of feeling unsure of ourselves at times in our life. Having a healthy view of ourselves is important but it does not mean that we have to be full of ourselves in order to do so. For me, having a healthy self-esteem falls in the category or appropriate self-care and has been shown to have many benefits. According to Guy Winch some of the benefits of having a healthy sense of self include being able to bounce back more quickly from rejection or stress in relationships and we are less likely to be prone to anxiety. A third benefit of a healthy self-esteem is that we release lower amounts of cortisol (stress hormone) in our bodies when we are stressed and it is less likely to linger in our bodies. While we can agree that all of these benefits are helpful, how does one go about trying to improve their self-esteem? I am going to offer just three tips, although there are many more if this topic is interesting to you.

Tip 1-Increase self compassion and decrease critical self-talk

Why is it that we often are full of compassion for our friends and family and yet we beat ourselves up over the smallest things? Learning to be kind and patient with ourselves creates an environment where it is ok to make mistakes and try again. Often when I talk to clients I tell them that you can be your own worst enemy or your own best advocate. If we want to improve our self-esteem we need to be more compassionate to ourselves.

Tip 2-Use Appropriate self affirmations

It is important to learn how to talk to ourselves in a positive and helpful manner but it is important to choose our words wisely. Using affirmations that are unrealistic will only end up making you feel more defeated if they don’t come true. Instead of saying “I can do anything I put my mind to” try “I can be proud of myself when I work hard and don’t give up”. It can also be helpful to focus on the process and not the outcome.

Tip 3- Get a move on

I am sure that most of you know that there is a link between physical health and mental health. Working out and moving your body is a great way to improve self-esteem because of the chemical changes that happen in the brain when we move. If you work out with others there is also the added benefit community. When we are around others that are making healthy choices this can also impact our self-esteem in a positive way, we experience a sense of belonging and connection.

As I stated, these are just three of my favorite ways to improve your self-esteem but it my no mean an exhaustive list. If this is a topic that interests you or you feel like you could benefit from learning more about it, please don’t hesitate to reach out by e-mail ( sharon@focustherapyomaha.com ) or give me a call 402-513-4416.

Resource:

Winch, Guy. 5 Ways to Build a Lasting Self-Esteem, Aug. 23, 2016. Ideas.Ted.Com

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A Mindful Approach to Anxiety

Fri, 03 May 2019 14:54:00 GMT

By: Sharon Heckathorn, LIMHP

Anxiety often has a negative reputation. People will describe their anxiety in terms of being too stress or overwhelmed. But did you know that there is an upside to anxiety? Anxiety in and of itself is not a bad thing. It is simply our body’s alert system to let us know that we need to pay attention. Mitch Ablett put it this way “Anxiety is not all bad. It can prompt us to take stock of our own actions and life situation. It can give us a psychophysiological flick towards taking a corrective, repairing action or artfully dodge oncoming peril”. Anxiety can help us move toward action but can become problematic when it overwhelms us or we get stuck.

There are two approaches that are often used in therapy to help people that are struggling with anxiety. One is to learn how to change our thoughts and the story we tell ourselves into something that is more positive and helpful. The other is mindfulness. Jon Kabat-Zinn is a leading expert in mindfulness and he states that mindfulness is “an awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgementally in the service of self-understanding and wisdom”. While this is a completely different approach to anxiety, it is one that can be equally as helpful. This concept or idea says that we don’t try to change our anxious thoughts but rather we notice them. Once we can notice and understand what anxiety really is, than we have the opportunity to respond differently than we have in the past. There is an element of learning how to accept all of our feelings no matter if they are perceived to be positive or negative.

Mindfulness can be taught in several different ways and is often combined with other practices such as meditation and yoga. No matter how it is taught, in order to learn mindfulness there are a few things to keep in mind. First, just like learning anything new, it takes time to learn to do this well. Second, self-care an important part of mindfulness. When we take time to eat well and get enough sleep, our brains are primed to better be able to notice our emotions and respond well. Finally, don’t forget to breathe. Learning diaphragmatic breathing will not only assist you in learning mindfulness, it will help you to think more clearly overall about your emotions. What I love about this approach is that it can be used for people of all ages. I have taught mindfulness to both adults and children with some very positive outcomes.

If this is a topic that interests you or you feel like you could benefit from learning more about it, please don’t hesitate to reach out by e-mail ( sharon@focustherapyomaha.com ) or give me a call 402-513-4416.

Resource:

Mindful- Healthy Mind, Healthy Life. https://mindful.org/mindfulness-for-anxiety-research-and-practice/

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Post-Partum Depression or Baby Blues?

Fri, 05 Apr 2019 15:11:00 GMT

By: Sharon Heckathorn, LIMHP

What I Wished More Women Talked About

Making the transition into motherhood is an exciting time for many women. But along with that transition can come many stressors as well. No matter if you are a first time mom or are adding another baby to your family, many women struggle during the first few weeks after they give birth. It is estimated that 50%-80% of women struggle with baby blues. Yet, many women feel like this is something that they need to hide or feel conflicted about sharing their struggle with others. This is part of the reason that I am so passionate about helping women during this tender time. I also work with many of their partners in learning how to support their significant other or deal with their own struggles during this transition.

You might be wondering how do I know if I or someone I love has baby blues or postpartum depression? Baby blues typically develop in the first two to three days after delivery and generally last for up to two weeks. Symptoms can range from mild to severe. Things to look for would include:

*Mood Swings

*Anxiety

*Sadness

*Irritability

*Feeling overwhelmed

*Crying

*Reduced concentration

*Appetite concerns

*Sleep problems (too much or too little)

Postpartum depression has many of the same symptoms but the duration and intensity are more severe. Women can even begin to develop depression even while they are still pregnant. They are at an increased risk if they have a history of depression or have a family history of anxiety or depression. Other increase risk factors could include stressful events such as parenting solo, financial concerns, stress with their significant other, trouble breast feeding, caring for multiples, or having a limited support system.

So when might it be time to seek professional help with a doctor or therapist? If your symptoms appear to be increasing in severity, persist past two weeks, or if you have any of the following you should consult help right away:

*Thoughts of harming yourself or your baby (suicidal thoughts/feelings)

*Depression that is making it difficult for you to care for or connect with your baby

What are the risks of not treating this disorder? One of the major concerns of not treating postpartum is that it can interfere with bonding that needs to happen between a mother and her child. Children that have not had healthy attachment to their parent are more likely to have emotional and behavioral problems. They are also at an increased risk for delays in their development such as in the area of language. The risk for mothers is that they can develop a chronic depressive disorder or put them at an increased risk for emotional concerns in the future.

What I hope this post will communicate is that baby blues and postpartum depression are very common. I only wish that more people would talk about it and share their experiences so that mothers would not feel so alone. If you or someone that you know could benefit from support or if you have questions, please don’t hesitate to e-mail or call me.

Sharon entered into her career by working with foster care children and families. During her early years of practice, she treated children with a wide variety of mental health disorders and significant trauma. Her background and education as a licensed social worker allowed her to expand her career to treat adults as well. During this phase of her career Sharon gained a passion for assisting adults during some of their most vulnerable transitions in life. This passion paired well with her early work in treating children realizing that often you need to have a wholistic approach to have the best treatment outcomes. Sharon has enjoyed the last several years as the Associate Clinical Director for a community mental health care center. In this role, Sharon continued to treat adults and children while training clinicians with all that she learned during her more than 14 years of experience. Her most recent transition into private practice has allowed Sharon to focus on client populations that she feels best equipped to help as clients seek a place to find renewed hope.

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5 Tips For Managing Back to School Anxiety

Thu, 09 Aug 2018 19:57:00 GMT

By: Sharon Heckathorn LIMHP

It’s hard to believe that it is back to school time again. For many children this is an exciting time of the year. Fresh notebooks, a new backpack, and an enthusiasm for what the year may bring. But back to school time can also be stressful for both children and their parents. This is especially true if they are anticipating a big transition such as going into kindergarten/junior high, changing schools, or starting the year in a new city. Your child may wonder things like:

“Who will I sit with at lunch?”

“Will my teacher be nice, what if she is mean?”

“Will I be able to make friends?”

“What if something bad happens to mom or dad while I’m at school?”

These thoughts and many more can tend to make both children and their parents anxious. While this is normal, parents may be wondering how to best help their child as they prepare to go back to school. This preparation may be especially important if their child has struggled with other transitions in life. Here are 5 tips to help prepare the family for back to school:

* Sleep -Gradually return to a sleep and wake schedule that is in line with their school schedule. Many children stay up later in the summer and sleep in. You can slowly reverse this by going to bed 15-20 minutes earlier per night. Ensuring that you children go to school rested is one of the most important ways to help them start their day. A good breakfast helps too!

* Prepare -Participate in back to school activities so that your child can see their classroom, meet their teacher, and have an opportunity to ask any questions that they might have. If you are unable to do this, as least drive to the school so that they can see where they will be going. If your children are taking the bus, bring them to where they will be getting on and off the bus and make sure they understand what to do in an emergency.

* Problem Solve -Once you have identified what questions your child has or what they are anxious about, begin to help them problem solve. Having a plan makes children feel less anxious and it is a great skill to teach them. Brainstorm several ideas to possible situations that are likely to happen during their school day. Begin by asking “Let’s think about some ways you could handle that”. Involving your kids in the brainstorming will empower them and help them to see that they can do hard things.

* Listen -Don’t brush off your child’s concerns too quickly. Rather listen to them with empathy and focus on the positives. For many children having a direct conversation about their worries can be intimidating. Think about approaching worries casually as you are driving in the car or standing in line at the store. Other children may need to feel like you are giving them your undivided attention in order to be heard. Do what is going to work best for them but no matter what, be empathic in your response.

* Do a self-check -Paying attention to your own behavior and the cues that you are giving your children is very important. If you can model being calm and confident this will help children to feel like they can be too. It may be helpful to take inventory of how many commitments you and your family can take on as you start the school year. When stressed parents are trying to do too many things, this will naturally cause more anxiety for the family.

So now that you are prepared to go back to school what happens if the back to school anxiety doesn’t go away? Many parents wonder when it is appropriate to get professional help. Here are some things to consider. Is the anxiety interfering with daily activities such as the child’s sleeping, eating, and school attendance? Is your child avoiding things that they used to enjoy? Are they complaining more about somatic symptoms such as headaches or stomachaches? For younger children, are they throwing more tantrums especially before they go to school? If your answer to any of these is yes, it may be time to consider help. Anxiety disorders in children are very common and treatable. For more information on treatment, please reach out on the website or by phone at 402. 513.4416.

References

Miller, C. (2017, August 24). Back to School Anxiety. Retrieved from https://childmind.org/article/back-school-anxiety/

A. (2017, August 23). Coping with Back to School Anxiety. Retrieved from https://www.anxietybc.com/parenting/coping-back-school-anxiety

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5 Signs of a Mental Block in Athletes

Thu, 08 Feb 2018 21:40:00 GMT

By: Becky Meline LIMHP LISW IADC

When I meet with teams to discuss mental barriers; many appear confused at first until we start talking; then, almost all can relate in some way. Whether it is a recurring issue; or one that they experienced and were able to move past, it becomes clear that mental blocks are very common with athletes. A mental block in sports is a psychological obstacle that prevents athletes from performing at their peak level, or prevents them from performing a specific skill. These blocks are very common; yet not always recognized. I’m going to outline some of the most common signs to look for in athletes that indicates they have a mental block to work through.

1. Inconsistency in Perfor mance

Inconsistency in play is when an athlete cycles between playing really well, and then really poorly. Don’t get me wrong, every athlete has a bad game here and there, but when their performance feels like a roller coaster for what you will get on a given night; this would constitute as inconsistency. This inconsistency has been shown by research to be caused by psychological, not physical factors, and can be extremely frustrating for athletes.

2. Playing Timid and Scared to Make Mistakes

One of the biggest mental barriers for athletes is overcoming their fear of failure; and fear of failure comes from setting high, and sometimes unrealistic, expectations for themselves in competition. I commonly hear from athletes that they feel if they don’t play their best, the team will lose. Playing with this type of pressure rarely, if ever causes athletes to play better, unless they have a strong mental game.

3. You Practice Better than you Perform in Games

When athletes practice well and compete poorly, it’s a surefire way to know that they have a mental block. Athletes tend to play more relaxed at practice because they aren’t focused on a particular outcome or goal like they would be in games or performances. When athletes play relaxed they perform at their best; but when game time comes they are likely focusing on an outcome such as needing to win the game, or on getting a certain statistic.

4. Avoidance of Practice or Games

I’ve talked at length about perfectionism in athletes as being a major mental barrier; and when I hear that an athlete wants to quit a sport or avoid certain games and practices, it usually means some perfectionism is surfacing. Anxiety in sports is common; it presents itself as pre-game jitters, or nervousness before a game. When the anxiety causes extreme distress, however, our mind naturally tries to avoid the task. The more we avoid doing something; the bigger and scarier it becomes in our mind, which in turn causes more avoidance. The psychology behind the avoidance could be that they had a bad experience in the game or with a certain team; or that they fear embarrassment, not living up to standards, or don’t want to make mistakes. It becomes easier to avoid trying, than it is to face these fears.

5. Overly Emotional or Easily Frustrated

Sometimes referred to as “hot heads” these athletes get angry and frustrated at themselves for any mistake they make. Often times they are demanding perfection of themselves in their play and there is no wiggle room for anything less. Even minor mistakes become catastrophic in their minds. These athletes struggle to move past their mistakes and play in the present moment.

What helps?

Mental barriers are common and every athlete has encountered some; so what helps overcome them?

Focus on Having Fun

Most athletes start playing their sport because they have fun and enjoy it; but when you start feeling extreme pressure to perform a certain way, it becomes less like a sport, and more like a job. Athletes perform at their best when they are relaxed; and when focused on having fun, it tends to allow the players to compete in a more relaxed frame of mind. Many times athletes tell me that they prefer to play basketball in their driveway rather than in their game; and it comes down to having fun for them. Don’t mistake having fun with goofing off, but getting back to playing with no expectations for an outcome with a positive attitude will go a long way.

Make Practice More Game-like

Dr. Cohn, owner of Peak Performance Sports, talks a lot about the different mindsets between practice and games. During practice, the focus is on sharpening technique and skill, but by the time you get to a game, you trust in these skills and try not to overthink technique. Try practicing both of these mindsets in practice to better prepare you for games.

Mindfulness and Breathing

Mindfulness is the new age skill taking over the competition world. Research shows how it helps athletes increase focus, confidence and consistency in their performance. For athletes that struggle to let go of mistakes, become overly emotional, and have issues with consistency, this is the skill for you. Mindfulness trains your brain to play in the present moment; and when done consistently this mental skill improves as practice does with physical skills.

See a Professional

If you are experiencing a mental block that has been present for a while and not seeing much change; it is probably not going away without some more intense intervention. Unfortunately; many times athletes quit their sport because they get so frustrated with their struggling performance and lack of enjoyment. Seeing a professional can help establish an individualized plan to overcome their specific barrier and gain skills to have more control over their performance.

Becky began her journey into this profession at the University of South Dakota as a student-athlete where she received her bachelor’s degree in psychology and played volleyball for the Coyotes. She was a four year starter and held the universities career kill record for 11 years. She was Conference Player of the Year her senior year and awarded Female Athlete of the Year for USD in 2004. For the past 9 years she has practiced therapy with adults, and specialized in the treatment of adolescents and children. She moved into a dual role 4 years ago as a clinician and a Clinical Supervisor overseeing a community mental health clinic in Iowa; and has a private practice Focus Therapy in Omaha, NE. For more information on Becky and the services she provides you can visit Facebook @focustherapyomaha or visit the website at focustherapyomaha.com

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The Pain of Childhood Anxiety

Tue, 23 Jan 2018 17:51:00 GMT

By: Becky Meline, LIMHP LISW IADC

Anxiety Disorders in Children

Anxiety disorders in children and adolescence is the most commonly diagnosed mental health disorder in the United States with nearly 32% of adolescents dealing with anxiety ( Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry , 2010). This number does not seem to be slowing down either. Although anxiety impacts a large number of families, it comes with many complex emotions and questions about how to help the child you may not recognize anymore. There are different types of anxiety disorders that can be diagnosed such as Panic Disorder, Separation Anxiety Disorder and Social Anxiety to name a few; but I’m going to focus on one of the most common which is Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

What Would I See in My Child?

Diagnosis of GAD

Diagnosis of Generalized Anxiety Disorder would come from a mental health professional or doctor who can assess your child’s symptoms. The following information is provided from the Diagnostic and Statistic Manual 5; which is the manual that helps direct diagnosis. Excessive anxiety and worry would need to be present for more days than not for at least 6 months, and cause distress for the child in more than one setting such as school and home life (American Psychiatric Association, 2013).

The anxiety and worry in children is associated with one or more of the following symptoms:

These symptoms are not better accounted for by an effect of a medical diagnosis or is substance induced such as being under the influence of a drug (American Psychiatric Association, 2013).

Impact on Life

The impact of anxiety on a child’s life can be so painful to watch for the parents! Some say that they hardly recognize their once carefree child who now seems captive to their feelings. Childhood and adolescence is the time when independence and autonomy dominate the developmental period, yet due to their anxiety, some kids avoid social activities with peers and may seem more clingy to adults. They may refuse to go to parties or sleepovers; or quit their activities or sports. This can lead to frustration for the parents as they try to figure out how to get things back to the way they once were.

Treatments for Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

CBT is a type of therapy that has been shown by extensive research to be one of the best forms of therapy to treat anxiety. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy basically means that what we think, and what we do, impacts how we feel; and this can become a vicious cycle. Everybody views life through a different lens, and that lens is created by our past experiences. For example, if we’ve had negative experiences making friends, we might begin to believe that we are “awkward and no one likes me.” Every interaction that we have, is then viewed through that lens and we look for reasons why an experience fits into our belief system as opposed to challenging it. As humans, our brain is wired to believe that what we think, is true. CBT helps to challenge those negative beliefs and change them to more helpful and accurate interpretations of our experiences.

Medication

Medication can be helpful in managing the child’s anxiety, especially in conjunction with therapy. In fact, when combined, it has been reported as being some of the highest success rates for treatment. I get a lot of mixed emotions from parents on starting their kids on medication; but the reality is that some kids need to alleviate some of the symptoms in order to really benefit from therapy. They are then able to focus on learning the interventions and coping skills and have more energy to practice.

Parental Support

Parental support is in my opinion, a huge predictor of success in any kind of treatment for youth and adolescents. I always tell the parents that even if I performed magic in session for 1 hour a week; you still have 167 more hours than I do that week to be able to coach and support your child. The math is overwhelmingly on your side; I like to think of it as I’m teaching the parents to be the therapist until the child can take on the role of being their own therapist. As a parent, it is natural to feel horrible watching your child go through the pain of anxiety. Many parents, although it’s with good intentions, will often try to remove all areas of worry for the child in an attempt to make things better. In the short-term this does help to alleviate the anxiety, but unfortunately it reinforces it in the long-term. Your goal shouldn’t be to remove the anxiety, but to help the child gain mastery by coping through the anxiety. By doing this, the fear, or anxiety of a certain situation, person, etc. will decrease and eventually go away.

Steps to Get Started

Whether reading this brought things to your awareness that you never knew, or it confirmed some concerns that you already had; here are some tips to get started. The sooner you can help your child with their anxiety, the better!

Take this free anxiety screener here to see if your child has some symptoms of an anxiety disorder

Anxiety Screener for Children

Contact a Mental Health professional to complete a thorough assessment of your child’s symptoms and recommend the appropriate treatment to help the child and the family function better.

Talk to your pediatrician or a child psychiatrist about the symptoms and see if medication may be appropriate.

Be patient and supportive of the child and their struggles, they are real!

Resources

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Washington, DC: Author.

Merikangas, K.R. (2010). Lifetime Prevalence of Mental Disorders in US Adolescents: Results from the National Comorbidity Study-Adolescent Supplement (NCS-A). Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry , 49. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2946114/

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Perfectionism with Athletes

Wed, 17 Jan 2018 01:00:00 GMT

By Becky Meline, LIMHP LISW IADC

What does Perfectionism look like with Athletes

Trying to be perfect in everything you do doesn’t seem like it would be an issue; who wouldn’t want to work with someone with a disciplined work ethic and persistence until they get it right? Obviously there are far worse things in life than trying to be perfect at everything you do; but for those feeling trapped in this mindset it doesn’t feel that way. Perfectionism is a trait commonly associated with anxiety and the two are closely linked. If someone feels that they can’t do something flawless, it causes painful feelings and stress for them. These feelings lead them to want to shut down, avoid certain games or practices, and can create strong, negative beliefs about themselves and their ability to perform. I see perfectionistic traits in almost every athlete I work with and it’s a double-edged sword. They are often high achievers in many aspects of life, hard-working, and motivated; but on the flip side, they are all or nothing thinkers and anything less than perfection feels like failure. Nothing ever feels good enough, and they become their own worst enemy in competition.

Why does it happen?

Personality traits

Some people just have perfectionistic traits or a perfectionistic personality; their parents will say that they’ve always been that way. Check out this resource in understanding more about the perfectionistic personality and if it applies to you or your athlete.

https://owlcation.com/social-sciences/Common-Traits-of-a-Perfectionist-Personality-Type

Skill Levels Catch Up

Athletes develop at different stages but when sports come easy or natural at a young age to kids they can develop a strong sense of self-confidence and identity around their athletic talent. However; it is not uncommon to see perfectionism and anxiety surface once other teammates or competition start to match or surpass their skill level. They can start to doubt themselves and become more critical of their skills, often comparing themselves to those around them.

Outside pressure

Although perfectionists are highly self-critical they often feel that those around them also have the same high expectations of them; and sometimes they are right. Strong outside pressure to perform well can come from coaches, teammates and parents of the athlete. Perfectionism comes with a fear of failure; and they tend to be more sensitive to letting down these people in their life. Some athletes feel that if they are unable to live up to the expectations, then why try? The easier choice is to avoid the sport rather than disappoint important people in their life.

Ways to help

Manage expectations

High expectations are often the major culprit in undermining a perfectionist’s success. When I first meet with an athlete and we look at their expectations, they are often always based on reaching a certain outcome or statistic, and by most standards, they are unattainable by the best athletes in the world. Perfectionists place unrealistic expectations on their performance and allow little to no flexibility for mistakes which causes them to feel pressure . Changing the focus to a technique or skill as opposed to an outcome can be very helpful. It allows them to focus their energy on a process that they can control. For example, rather than having the expectation of scoring 20 points a game, have them focus on keeping their elbow in or following through on their shot. By changing their focus to a skill they can control, it will decrease the pressure they feel and increase their chances of meeting their outcome.

Replace your thoughts

Certain situations, events, and people can trigger anxiety, and they create automatic, negative thoughts and doubts. Often times we are not aware of the thoughts, but we are aware of the tense, anxious feelings that follow them. For example, one athlete I worked with avoided playing a certain team because he felt that their talent was so much greater than his. He based this belief on a previous game when they were beat by 30 points. He would get sick to his stomach and ask not to compete once he knew they were playing this team every time. He determined that his negative thought was, “I can’t compete with this team unless I play perfect.” We challenged that belief and modified it into a more helpful thought of “I have prepared for this game, and no athlete can play perfectly.” Every athlete deals with self-talk and it can either build you up or tear you down; keep it positive!

Decrease Outside Pressure

Perfectionists are more aware of their mistakes than anyone; and when someone else points them out, it validates their feeling of failure. I am not saying that they shouldn’t get feedback and coaching, but knowing how and who should provide it is vital. As a parent, take on the role of being your athletes biggest fan. Be positive and allow the coaches to coach and provide feedback. Tell them how much you enjoyed watching them play and that you are proud of them. Researchers Bruce Brown and Rob Miller conducted a study with collegiate athletes where they asked what they most want to hear from their parents and it was these six words, “I love to watch you play.” That’s it. That’s what they most want to hear from you (Griffin, B.M, 2014). Rest assured that they are already critiquing their performance with more scrutiny than you could.

As a coach, understand the high expectations that your athlete places on themselves and help them focus their attention differently in practice and in competition. Give them controllable techniques and form to focus on rather than outcomes, and praise them when they’ve done something well.

One small step to get started today

Perfectionists have rigid thoughts and beliefs that interfere with their performance; awareness is key to making any changes with your thinking and your mental game. Start to pay attention and notice times during practice or competition when you feel anxious, tense, or like shutting down. Ask yourself, “What was I just thinking about?” This can help you begin to become aware of your thoughts and expectations that could be blocking you from performing at your best.

Resources

Griffin, B. M. (2014, February, 4). The Only Six Words Parents Need to Say to Their kids About Sports.

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Moving Past Mistakes in Competition

Tue, 09 Jan 2018 02:01:00 GMT

By Becky Meline, LIMHP LISW IADC

One of the biggest barriers for athletes mentally is learning to let go of past mistakes and move on successfully to the next play without worrying about making another mistake. Playing in the past or future creates feelings of nervousness and anxiety for the athlete and causes them to play timid and scared to make a mistake. The irony is that when you play fearful of making a mistake, more mistakes tend to build up on each other. This is a common cycle athletes get stuck in but many don’t recognize when it’s happening, or if they are aware, they don’t know what to do about it. It’s common to hear from parents and coaches that once an athlete struggles one time in a game, they can predict the performance is going downhill. The goal of every athlete should be to learn how to play in the present moment, rather than the past or future. The present moment is what we have control over and worrying about circumstances outside of our control is wasted energy.

Mindfulness is a skill that trains yourself to be in the present moment. It has been taught for years to help with a wide variety of things such as stress, anxiety, and chronic pain to name a few; but has recently been adapted and used in the area of performance enhancement for athletes. A research study was conducted by Kaufman, Glass and Arnkoff (2009), and they completed a 4 week mindfulness training with athletes and the outcomes were impressive. An increase in confidence and overall performance, and a decrease in sports anxiety and thought disruption (Kaufman, Glass, Arnkoff, 2009). When athletes perform at their best is when they are calm and focused, often times referred to as being in the “zone” or “flow.” Mindfulness creates these feelings and allows the athlete more control over when they access a “flow state” (Kaufman, Glass, Arnkoff, 2009). Let’s take a deeper look at the skill and barriers for implementing it into practice.
Mindfulness basically means that you train your brain to pay attention in the present moment, on purpose. Just as practicing a physical skill improves with repetition, so does mental training and the capacity to access these skills under pressure.

Barriers to integrating mindfulness into sport performance
When I talk to people about this concept and integrate it into treatment, I get a wide array of responses; some are excited and willing to try; while others are more skeptical. Here are some common barriers to athletes incorporating mindfulness into their sport.

Confused
The concept of mindfulness itself can be abstract and confusing; especially if you have never tried it. Often times more education and resources are needed to understand and integrate the skill. Here is one of my favorite resources to learn and understand the concept of mindfulness in the most simplified way.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-athletes-way/201303/mindfulness-made-simple

Skeptical
When athletes are used to improving their performance by doing physical workouts or repetition on a skill, they are sometimes skeptical about doing mental workouts. “This isn’t going to help me, I should just be able to get over my thoughts and move on.” It’s definitely a shift in thinking and focus for the athlete from physical to mental, but those that are willing to try something different and genuinely practice mindfulness, have seen benefit.

Embarrassed
Anytime the word mental is applied to a concept it can immediately bring up the defenses on an athlete. In the competitive world of sports driven by achievement and independence, they sometimes think it insinuates that they aren’t “strong enough” or that “there must be something wrong with me.” Unfortunately, some people still feel there is a stigma with seeing a therapist or psychologist which can prolong or even prevent people from getting help. The truth is that every athlete will make mistakes in competition. There are sports where it’s a game of who can make the least mistakes; events such as high jump and pole vault will end every competition on a mistake, even if you win. Learning how to move past mistakes and focus your attention on the present moment could benefit every athlete.

Next Steps to Integrating Mindfulness into Competition

Be Open Minded
The first step in integrating mindfulness into practice is to be open-minded about the concept. Mindfulness has been used by high profile athletes, teams and coaches to enhance their performance and focus. If this concept is worth the time of elite athletes to practice and incorporate into training, then I feel like it could be a tremendous opportunity for athletes of any skill level to try to gain an edge over their competition. Coach Phil Jackson is a strong believer in the benefit of mindfulness for his athletes, here’s a video talking about how he used mindfulness with both the Los Angeles Lakers and Chicago Bulls. Check out what he has to say about the skill and its impact for his teams.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqz7R-QalqY

Practice, practice, practice
Mindfulness can be a difficult skill to master; in our fast-paced world, learning to slow down and pay attention can feel unnatural. As with any new skill, practice is essential to improve your ability to access this state in everyday life as well as in competition. I recommend setting aside 3-5 minutes a day to practice the skill; and then throughout the day when you catch your mind wandering practice bringing yourself back to the present moment with your breathing. It is also helpful to incorporate this training along with other mental strategies into your pre-game routine.

Coaches Incorporate Mindfulness Training into Practice
I have had the opportunity to work with teams on mindfulness with their sports, but the real results happen when coaches consistently incorporate mental exercise into their culture. This then becomes the norm and an ongoing expectation for the team along with their physical skill training. This provides daily practice of a new skill, sets the standard for athletes on the team, and raises awareness to the importance of your mental mindset in competition. Most coaches know the importance of having their athletes play in the present moment but may not have the structured exercises to practice with them. Mindfulness offers that structure, a common language, and a variety of ways to practice the skill. Take a look at some of the ways to bring yourself back to the present moment and practice mindfulness in sport.

http://believeperform.com/performance/the-application-of-mindfulness-practice-to-sport/
https://sportsandthemind.com/mindfulness-exercises/
http://blog.myfitnesspal.com/athletes-trainers-practice-mindfulness/

Resources
Kaufman, Glass and Arnkoff, Journal of Clinical Sports Psychology, 2009.

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What Does My Child Need From Me?

Wed, 23 Aug 2017 02:43:00 GMT

Becky Meline, LIMHP, LISW, IADC
Focus Therapy | A West Omaha Counseling Practice

Parenting is the hardest job on Earth. As a licensed child therapist and mother of three, I have been trained in numerous evidenced-based therapies to intervene with my children in an effective way; so why are there still times when I ask myself, “What in the world do they want from me?” Unfortunately, the same intervention used on three different children, may work well for one and be completely ineffective with the other two. Each and every child is uniquely different requiring that we meet their needs in a way that fits for their personality and temperament. Kids do not come with a manual explaining what works well and what doesn’t, or how to discipline them most effectively and build up their self-esteem. Parenting can feel like putting together an 80 piece bookshelf with no instruction manual; frustrating, and praying that our best guess is good enough so we don’t screw it up. I want to focus on one key component to parenting that is critical across the board, regardless of the child, and is something that all people need.

The Importance of Connection

To understand what our children need, we must first understand the importance of connection. From the first day children come into the world, they innately know that they need to be loved and cared for and they seek it out immediately. Human connection is powerful and the brain recognizes it as something that we need for survival; the same as food and water (Wolpert, 2013). Human connection can be healing; and without it, it can be devastating. We are hardwired for connection at all ages; and when caregivers consistently provide connection, we give children the gift of a secure attachment (Powell, et. al, 2013). The benefit of a secure attachment is life-long; they grow up to have healthier relationships, higher self-esteem, and the confidence to make their own choices (Powell, et. al, 2013). We all want the absolute best for our kids; so how do we build this secure attachment with our children and help them feel connected; even when their behavior drives us to want to do the opposite?

How Do I Connect with my Child?

· Fill Their Need

From the time babies are born they are trying to communicate their needs with us (Powell, et. al, 2013). Babies cry when they are hungry, tired, wet, upset, or just about everything else. Children throw tantrums trying to tell us what’s going on, and adolescents stop talking altogether and make us guess at what’s wrong. They are all communicating; it just doesn’t seem very effective; however; I do believe that it’s always the best way they know how. To build a secure attachment, Circle of Security would say that you need to do 2 important things. Comfort your child when they are upset, and meet their needs whenever possible (Powell, et. al, 2013). For example, if a baby is crying because they are hungry, and that need is never met, the baby eventually attempts to self-soothe and learns that they have to depend on themselves for comfort. On the flip side, when we identify their needs and meet them consistently, they see us as stable, predictable, and capable of providing for them, which increases their security with us (Powell, et. al 2013).

One thing I want to be clear on is that we don’t have to be perfect; in fact, it’s not healthy for our children to have a perfect parent. We can parent and make mistakes; lots of them. In fact, we only have to get it right about 30% of the time and that seems to be good enough for a secure attachment. (Powell, et al, 2013)

· Be a Detective

Jason was having a tantrum one morning and his mom was at her wits end; she was fed up with the kicking, screaming, and fighting to get ready for school. This was out of the ordinary; Jason was usually a pretty calm kid with minimal issues in his morning routine. Mom screamed, “What is wrong with you?” She then walked away to calm down, and eventually remembered that Jason had a dentist appointment scheduled later that morning. She will be picking him up from school to attend this and was dreading it because at the last appointment he had a couple of cavities filled and it was not a pleasant experience. After calming down, she heads back to the room and sits down on the floor next to Jason, she said, “Honey, are you worried about going to the dentist today?” His crying turned to a whimper and he leaned his head into her lap and said, “I don’t want another shot.”

Have you ever found yourself saying to your child, “Just tell me what you want!” or “Use your words!” The truth is that it’s actually really hard for many adults to be able to say what they need or express it appropriately. So imagine how difficult it is for kids to communicate their needs to us with less vocabulary and skills. Pay attention to changes in your child’s behavior because behavior has meaning and is usually driven by some underlying emotion. If the behavior seems out of place, ask yourself if something has changed recently for the child. When their behavior feels out of control, put on your detective hat and ask yourself, “What might they be feeling?” “How can I help them manage these emotions?” “How can I connect with him right now?” Physical touch is one of the fastest ways to calm your child down; either with a hug, rocking them or rubbing their back. By connecting with your kids when they’re upset, you help them see that they can trust you to help them handle their big emotion which builds a strong foundation for security (Powell, et. al, 2013).

· Play, play, play .

One of the best ways to connect with children is through play. Play allows us to enter the child’s inner world on their level and understanding. Play is how children make sense of their experiences and communicate them with us. Imagine if your boss could come and do your job for a day and deal with what you deal with. Would they have more empathy and perhaps a better understanding of why you’re feeling stressed, anxious or upset? When kids feel connected during play; they open up and express their feelings more freely. In PCIT (Parent Child Interaction Therapy), we teach a specialized play called Child Directed Interaction, and it basically teaches the parent skills to enhance the relationship and genuinely engage on their child’s level (Troutman, 2016). Parents come to session astonished because their child has started opening up more at home, their behaviors have decreased and their relationship is stronger. I encourage every parent to spend 5-10 minutes a day playing with their child; and not just playing but genuinely enjoying your time together. You’d be amazed at the results. For older children, family game nights help set aside time to connect in a world driven by electronics.

Connection is the foundation of all relationships; we need to know we are valued and that we matter to people. Children especially need to know this from their parents. They need us to connect not only when it is easy and fun, but especially when their behavior is at its worst. When every ounce of your mind and body is telling you to run away, shut down or scream at them; try to push through those feelings to connect with them. That will be a difference maker in your relationship. When we view the behavior as a need for connection rather than acting out to gain attention; we are more likely to meet their needs in a healthy way which will strengthen our relationship and give them lifelong benefits.

Powell, B., Cooper, G., Hoffman, K., Marvin, B. (2013) Circle of Security Intervention. New York, NY. The Guilford Press.

Troutman, B (2016) IOWA-PCIT, unpublished manuscript. www.pcit.lab.u-iowa.edu

Wolpert, S (2013, October, 10). UCLA neuroscientist’s book explains why social connection is as important as food and shelter. Retrieved from URL http://newsroom.ucla.edu/releases/we-are-hard-wired-to-be-social-248746.

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Three Step Approach to Developing the Mental Edge

Mon, 14 Aug 2017 13:31:00 GMT

“Whatever your mind can conceive and believe the mind can achieve regardless of how many times you have failed in the past.” –Napoleon Hill

It is often said that sports are 90% mental and only 10% physical; but when we train, the focus is almost always on improving the physical aspect of ourselves. We go to the weight room to get stronger, head to the gym for repetition on our shot, or increase cardio to gain the physical edge over competition. There is only so much physical training you can do to reach your peak condition. If you look at these percentages, you have a much greater chance of gaining an edge over competition if you focus even a little bit on improving your mental mindset. At Focus Therapy, I take a three step approach to help athletes reach their peak mental performance to gain that edge.

The first focus is guided exploration in identifying what specific mental barriers are present for the athlete. These barriers often manifest as negative thoughts developed from their past experiences. These negative thoughts impact how they feel, which then impacts their performance. The more frequently these experiences happen, the stronger the negative thought becomes, until it is developed into a generalized belief about themselves as a competitor. For example, a quarterback throws an interception on the last play of the game which results in a loss; how does that experience impact him the next time the game is on the line and he steps back to pass? Thoughts like “I have to complete this” or “Don’t mess this up again” create feelings of stress and anxiety which puts the brain on high alert. On high alert we become timid and scared to make a mistake which then impacts performance. We are more productive and successful when our brain operates in a calm and focused state, also referred to as “being in the zone.” Imagine if this experience happened again for the quarterback; it strengthens the negative thought and can develop into a generalized belief about himself such as, “I always choke under pressure,” or “I can’t finish a game.” Once the mental barriers are identified, we work together to break them down and restructure them. To do this, I integrate clinical intervention from theories I’m trained in such as Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing.

The second focus is on growing the individual personality strengths of the athlete. My goal is to make the best parts of the athlete even better. These are the natural strengths and easiest to enhance. By focusing on their strengths, it increases their confidence; and confidence in an athlete is one of the most important predictors of success.

The final focus is coaching the athlete on specific skills and control strategies to enhance their mental toughness and mindset during competition. I refer to this as a “mental workout.” These skills are taught and practiced in session, but to gain maximum benefit, I ask that the athlete practice these consistently every day. By practicing the skills, it strengthens their “mental muscle” the same way physical training improves their performance. Repetition in skills is key to developing consistency and predictability for the athlete. For instance, working on your shot form, backswing, or footwork over and over, trains the muscle memory in the body; likewise, if the athlete trains their brain to be calm and focused, that becomes a more natural mindset under stress.

To reach your highest potential, the focus in life should always be on changing things that are within your control. Genetics and height are an example of things that are unfortunately out of our control; however, your mental mindset is one thing that can always be in your control. Skills such as mindfulness, meditation and guided imagery have been utilized by teams such as the Seattle Seahawks and the Los Angeles Lakers. Many high performing athletes including Derek Jeter, Kerri Walsh, and LeBron James also practice skills to gain a mental edge. Every athlete has the goal of achieving their maximum potential, but only few realize the importance of their mental training. Allow me to help you gain this edge as you work toward reaching your own potential, not only in athletics but in every aspect of your life.

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My Why-When Passion Turns Into Profession

Fri, 28 Jul 2017 16:22:00 GMT

Everyone has a story. An experience in your life that has tremendous influence on who you are, how you think and what you do. It can completely change the direction you thought you were heading in life. This is my story, “My Why” I am so passionate about working with athletes and mental health.

It was my sophomore year in volleyball at the University of South Dakota and we were coming off of one of the most successful seasons in school history. I was excited for the new recruits; I knew USD was going to do big things that year. One recruit in particular was an energetic and bubbly girl from small town Wyoming; her brother was on the football team at USD and a good friend of mine. He nervously laughed when he told me to “be nice to my sister,” but I knew he was serious. He understands the importance of feeling connected to a new team. Coach asked me to take her under my wing because she would be the only other south paw on the team, and would be my back up on the right side.

I connected with McKenzie right away, she was easy to like. It helped that she was talented and motivated in volleyball. Pre-season was well underway and we were becoming a close team; three practices a day for a month before any other students arrived on campus forced us to be close. We only had each other; sweating, crying, cussing, bonding together. Finally, the first tournament came; no longer scrimmaging against ourselves, it was time to put our hard work to the test. We were heading to Fargo, North Dakota to play against some of the best competition in our conference and I felt more confident than ever. The ride up there was uneventful; but to this day I vividly remember the seating arrangement on the van, the discussions between teammates, and sharing some Gatorade with McKenzie.

We had our light practice the night before competition in the Fargo gym to prepare for the following days matches. I felt good; the team looked focused, and it was hard to hold back the intensity in our walk through. McKenzie wasn’t her bubbly self. She kept rubbing her neck and saying that she felt “weird.” “I don’t know how else to explain it Becky; I just don’t feel right.” I shrugged it off as freshman jitters and told her she’d be okay.

The next morning, we all loaded up in the van, except McKenzie. Our trainer said she wasn’t feeling well and was going to stay back from the morning game. It didn’t feel right; but I was so focused on the game that I didn’t give it much more thought. A time-out was called during the game and it was my first glimpse into the reality of the situation. We weren’t greeted by our Head Coach, but rather, our grad assistant, Kam, who told us that Coach had to leave. She said not to worry and to re-focus mentally on the game. Afterward, our excitement of the win, turned dark when we looked at Kam’s face. “You all need to pray for McKenzie.” It felt surreal. I had so many emotions; scared, worried, but mostly confused. We held hands and prayed as a team; none of us believing it could really be that bad. What could happen to a healthy, 19-year-old athlete?

The rest of the night was a blur. I remember bits and pieces of waiting with my team in the hotel room to find out some answers about what was happening, but no one had any. Our grad assistants tried to keep us distracted with candy, pop, and junk food. I remember thinking it was an odd choice considering how much we had just conditioned in pre-season.

Finally, Coach returned to the room, I immediately knew it was bad. The look on his face as we connected eyes told me that things were not going to be the same. I’ll never forget his words. “You all know McKenzie as a fighter, and she was…” That’s all I heard. Was? As in past tense? My sense of security and invincibility was crushed in that sentence.

As details began to surface; we learned that McKenzie passed away from Meningococcal Meningitis. A disease that I knew nothing about at the time other than that it was highly contagious and we needed to get to the hospital immediately to take a preventative pill. A sleepless night followed into day as we began our long trip back to South Dakota; it felt like an eternity. I was lost in my thoughts and staring at the road; randomly hearing teammates break out into tears. I felt numb. It was an awful feeling to be captive to your mind and your emotions. To this day, I cannot explain the sense of responsibility I felt in losing McKenzie.

We were given time off to spend with our families before trying to get back to our “new normal.” Practices and games started up again, but it felt very different, like our team was incomplete; and it was. How do I move past this when everything I do, everybody I see reminds me of an awful event I’d like to forget? I didn’t know this then but I became depressed. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t concentrate, and for the first time in my life I didn’t want to play the sport that I loved. I just wanted to isolate myself and try to figure out how to get McKenzie back.

I wasn’t alone. The whole team was struggling. We hadn’t won a game since losing McKenzie and I could see the struggle in Coach’s face when he tried to figure out a balance in how hard he could push us and how much he needed to comfort us. He eventually brought in a Sports Psychologist who spoke with us and provided some skills to utilize. I remember being fascinated with her job at that time.

For my purposes, I’d love to say that meeting with this Sports Psychologist changed everything and helped me move past my grief, but it didn’t. It was a piece of my recovery; the most crucial piece came from McKenzie herself.

A few months after losing McKenzie, I had a dream unlike any other I’ve had. In this dream our trip to Fargo was recreated in detailed perfection. From the seating arrangement on the van, to the color of the Gatorade. I remember laughing and telling stories with the team, and then slowly, one by one, they started to disappear. I soon realized that it was only McKenzie and I left on the van and I knew what was about to happen. I buried my head in my hands and started to cry. McKenzie moved to my seat and wrapped her arms around me. She rocked with me back and forth and repeated, “I’m fine Becky, I really am. I’m okay. You need to move on.”

I woke up that morning and for the first time in a long time, I felt a sense of happiness and a sense of closure. I felt like I was given permission to move forward. I continued the healing process with family, friends, and most importantly, with the team that holds an unbreakable bond by experiencing this loss together. I made it through stronger, wiser, and better equipped to handle adversity.

This tragic event gave me firsthand experience the barriers mental health can forcefully impose in competition and in life. Thoughts and feelings can be foreign, confusing and uncontrollable no matter how hard you try to “push through.” Some of these barriers are short-lived and circumstantial, while others are chronic and debilitating. This experience helped shape my passion, and my passion has become my profession. To help those experiencing the pain and confusion of mental blocks and guide them in overcoming these barriers successfully, regardless of the degree of severity.

If you are interested in learning more about McKenzie, or Meningococcal Meningitis, her family started a non-profit foundation to educate on the disease and provide funds to those that cannot afford to participate in the state vaccination program. You can check out their website at http://www.themckenziefoundation.org

~In Loving Memory of McKenzie Carter Hartwig #8~

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