By Becky Meline, LIMHP

The list goes up after practice. You scan it twice. Your name isn't there. Getting cut from the team hurts, and it's supposed to, because you cared. But it isn't the end of your story. With the right support at home and a real plan, athletes bounce back from the cut stronger than they expected.

Why does getting cut from the team hurt so much?

Because for a lot of athletes, the sport isn't just something they do. It's who they are, where their friends are and how their days are built.

Researcher Kacey Neely, who studied deselection in youth sport at the University of Alberta, found that being cut is stressful for athletes and parents alike, and that families who cope with it together do better. It's a loss. Treat it like one.

Athletes: you're allowed to be crushed for a few days. Disappointment doesn't mean you're weak. It means it mattered.

What should I say the night my kid gets cut?

Say less than you think. Your job that first night is to listen, not to fix it, explain it or blame anyone.

Try:

• "I'm so sorry. I know how much you wanted this."

• "I'm proud of how hard you worked for it."

• "Want to talk, or want me to just sit with you?"

Skip the coach-bashing, the "it's their loss" speech and the comeback plan. Those can wait.

Parents, watch for this: the car ride home and the dinner table set the tone. If you're more upset than your athlete, they'll end up taking care of you. Process your own disappointment with another adult first.

Should my athlete ask the coach for feedback?

Yes, after a day or two, and the athlete should ask, not the parent. A short, respectful conversation shows maturity and gives them something concrete to work on.

A simple script: "Coach, I'm disappointed, but I want to get better. What are one or two things I should work on to make the team next year?" Then listen, say thanks and write the answer down.

Coaches remember the kid who comes back and asks. That kind of courage is part of the comeback.

How does an athlete keep their identity after being cut?

By remembering they're more than one roster. Sport can be a big part of who you are without being the whole thing.

Help your athlete name what they love about the game and who they are off the court: friend, student, sibling, worker, teammate in other places. Then make a plan that keeps them connected to what they love.

Plan the comeback, one step at a time:

1. Feel it first. Give it a few days before deciding anything.

2. Get the feedback. One or two specific skills, from the coach.

3. Pick a path. JV, a club team, rec league, a different winter sport or a planned break are all real options.

4. Set a weekly goal. Something you control: 100 free throws, two extra lifts, one film session.

5. Check in monthly. Notice the progress, not just next year's tryout.

Here in Omaha, big metro rosters make cuts common. In smaller towns, everyone knows who made it, which can sting more. Either way, there's a next step.

When is disappointment something more?

When it doesn't lift. Sadness for a week or two is normal. Weeks of pulling away is different.

Parents: watch for an athlete who stops seeing friends, loses interest in everything (not just the sport), sleeps much more or less, or says things like "I'm worthless" or "What's the point?" That's the time to bring in a counselor or a mental performance coach.

FAQ

How long is it normal for my child to be upset after getting cut? There's no magic number, but most athletes start to bounce back within a week or two, especially once they have a plan. If sadness, irritability or withdrawal lasts longer, spreads beyond sports or comes with hopeless talk, it's worth talking to a counselor.

Should I call the coach after my kid gets cut? Usually no. Let your athlete ask for feedback themselves. It builds confidence and shows the coach maturity. Parents should step in only if there's a safety concern or a clear policy issue, and then calmly, through the school's normal process.

Should my athlete quit the sport after being cut? Not in the first week. Big decisions made in the middle of disappointment rarely stick. Encourage them to wait, get feedback and try another path like JV, club or a different sport. If they still want to step away after that, it's a choice, not a failure.

Build a comeback plan with Focus

Getting cut from the team is hard, but it can also be where a comeback starts. Focus Therapy & Performance Coaching offers 1:1 mental performance coaching and parent consults in Omaha and Blair and by telehealth across Nebraska. Call 402-513-4416 or visit focustherapyomaha.com.