By Becky Meline, LIMHP · Focus Therapy & Performance Coaching

Someone set the table and counted plates, then stopped. One less this year. If the holidays are coming and someone you love won't be there, you're not doing it wrong if this season hurts. Grief during the holidays is normal, and you're allowed to do this season differently.

Why is grief during the holidays so hard?

Because holidays are built on traditions, and traditions are full of the people who made them: their recipe, their chair, their voice in the kitchen. Everyone else seems joyful, which makes the gap feel bigger.

You're not alone. In the American Psychiatric Association's 2025 Healthy Minds Poll, missing a loved one was the number one holiday stressor people named (APA). The first holiday after a loss is often hardest, but year five can sneak up too.

Should we keep our old holiday traditions after a loss?

Keep the ones that bring comfort, pause the ones that hurt, and try one new thing. There's no rule that says Thanksgiving has to look like it always has.

A few ways families make room for grief:

1. Light a candle. Set it on the table for the person who's missing.

2. Share a story. Ask everyone to tell one favorite memory before the meal.

3. Cook their dish. Or skip it this year if that feels like too much.

4. Change the setting. Eat at a restaurant, host at a different house or take a walk instead of a long dinner.

Share the plan ahead of time: "This year we're doing things a little differently" is enough.

How do I help a grieving child during the holidays?

Be honest, keep routines and let them see that it's okay to be sad and happy on the same day. Kids grieve in bursts. They might cry at breakfast and laugh at cartoons an hour later. That's normal.

Parents: say the person's name out loud. Kids often stay quiet because they're afraid of making you sad. Try "I miss Grandpa too. What do you remember about him?" Let them help with a tradition, like making an ornament or picking a photo for the table.

What do I say to someone who's grieving at the holidays?

Say their person's name, say you're thinking of them, and skip the advice. Most grieving people aren't afraid you'll bring up the loss. They're afraid everyone will forget.

Things that help:

• "I've been thinking about your mom this week. I miss her laugh."

• "No pressure to come, but you have a seat at our table."

• "Want me to drop off dinner on Thursday?"

Things to skip: "Everything happens for a reason," "At least they're not suffering" and "You should be feeling better by now."

When does holiday grief need professional help?

When it keeps you from sleeping, eating, working or caring for your family for weeks, or when you feel stuck, numb or hopeless. Grief doesn't follow a schedule. But you don't have to carry it alone.

A therapist can help you plan for hard days, make sense of guilt or anger and find a way to keep your person close while you keep living. November 21 is International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day (SAVE). If your loss was to suicide, your grief may feel especially heavy, and support groups and grief counselors can help. If you ever have thoughts of ending your life, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, any time, day or night.

Frequently asked questions

Is it normal to feel happy and sad during the holidays after a loss? Yes. You can enjoy your family and miss someone deeply on the same day. Joy doesn't mean you've forgotten them. Moving back and forth between sadness and normal life is part of healing.

How long does grief last? There's no timeline. The sharpest pain usually softens with time, but holidays, birthdays and anniversaries can bring waves of grief for years. If grief stays intense and keeps you from daily life many months after a loss, talking to a grief counselor can help.

Should I skip the holidays this year? It's okay to scale back. Go for an hour instead of all day, celebrate quietly at home or try somewhere new. Tell family your plan ahead of time. Taking care of yourself isn't selfish.

Can I see a grief counselor near Omaha or by telehealth? Yes. Focus Therapy & Performance Coaching offers grief counseling in person in Omaha and Blair and by telehealth anywhere in Nebraska, so you can meet with a therapist from home during a busy or hard season.

Get support this holiday season



Grief during the holidays can feel lonely, but you don't have to face it on your own. Our therapists help adults, teens and families through loss with grief counseling in Omaha, in Blair and by telehealth across Nebraska.

Book a grief counseling session: call 402-513-4416 or visit focustherapyomaha.com.